1.
While teaching religion class one morning Sister Bridgette was speaking to her 3rd-grade class and she asked the question, “When you die and go to heaven… which part of your body goes first?Suzy raised her hand and said, “I think it's your hands.”“Why d
While teaching religion class one morning Sister Bridgette was speaking to her 3rd-grade class and she asked the question, “When you die and go to heaven… which part of your body goes first?Suzy raised her hand and said, “I think it's your hands.”“Why d
2.
His friends to him at coffee: “We adore your family life, you’ve got a great life with your wife and kids.
Tell us the secret of this happiness or we’ll consider you as a diffident”
“Well, i can shortly explain. After our wedding, she started riding
His friends to him at coffee: “We adore your family life, you’ve got a great life with your wife and kids.
Tell us the secret of this happiness or we’ll consider you as a diffident”
“Well, i can shortly explain. After our wedding, she started riding
3.
This lady found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian.
He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.
The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep th
This lady found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian.
He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine.
The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep th
4.
This man wanted to get out of jury duty, so told the judge thisHe tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked.On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot.As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the be
This man wanted to get out of jury duty, so told the judge thisHe tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked.On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot.As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the be
5.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, “What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?”“Well…” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, “What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?”“Well…” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and
6.
He asked the preacher if he could participate in the door-to-door selling of bibles.The preacher agreed, but knowing the young man had a bad stutter, only gave him 3 bibles to sell.The following day the young man returned asking for more.The preacher ga
He asked the preacher if he could participate in the door-to-door selling of bibles.The preacher agreed, but knowing the young man had a bad stutter, only gave him 3 bibles to sell.The following day the young man returned asking for more.The preacher ga
7.
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
8.
Three guys were at deer camp They had to bunk two to a room.No one wanted to room with Steve because he snored so badly They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.The first night, John slept i
Three guys were at deer camp They had to bunk two to a room.No one wanted to room with Steve because he snored so badly They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.The first night, John slept i
9.
A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day.That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of a ten point buck.“Where's Henry?”“Henry had a stroke of some kindHe's a couple of miles back up the trail
A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in two's for the day.That night one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of a ten point buck.“Where's Henry?”“Henry had a stroke of some kindHe's a couple of miles back up the trail
10.
Anna and blonde are walking home from a night at the bar and have to pee,
so they stop at a cemetery.
With nothing to wipe with Anna uses her underwear and the blonde uses a nearby wreath.
The next day anna’s boyfriend calls his friend, “They are
Anna and blonde are walking home from a night at the bar and have to pee,
so they stop at a cemetery.
With nothing to wipe with Anna uses her underwear and the blonde uses a nearby wreath.
The next day anna’s boyfriend calls his friend, “They are
11.
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house a woman complains, “I've be
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house a woman complains, “I've be
12.
A reverend awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard.
He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.
He called the sanitation department, the health department and several other agencies, but no one seemed able
A reverend awoke one morning to find a dead donkey in his front yard.
He had no idea how it got there, but he knew he had to get rid of it.
He called the sanitation department, the health department and several other agencies, but no one seemed able
13.
A newlywed couple moves into their new houseOne day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?”The husband says, “What do I look like, MrPlumber?”A few days
A newlywed couple moves into their new houseOne day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?”The husband says, “What do I look like, MrPlumber?”A few days
14.
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed.He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.After a while, the
Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed.He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.After a while, the
15.
… and he was eager to show it off to all his colleagues.He parked by the side of the road and opened the driver's side door, when all of a sudden an eighteen-wheeler truck came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door with it.“NOOO! My Jaguar, m
… and he was eager to show it off to all his colleagues.He parked by the side of the road and opened the driver's side door, when all of a sudden an eighteen-wheeler truck came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door with it.“NOOO! My Jaguar, m
16.
His friends to him at coffee: “We adore your family life, you've got a great life with your wife and kids.You don't make her say things twiceTell us the secret of this happiness or we'll consider you as a diffident”“Well, i can shortly explainAfter our w
His friends to him at coffee: “We adore your family life, you've got a great life with your wife and kids.You don't make her say things twiceTell us the secret of this happiness or we'll consider you as a diffident”“Well, i can shortly explainAfter our w
17.
I was looking for my keysThey were not in my pocketsA quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the carFrantically, I headed for the car park.My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in
I was looking for my keysThey were not in my pocketsA quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the carFrantically, I headed for the car park.My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in
18.
Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughingConfused, he asks them why they're happy.They tell him, “Well, it's been bitterly cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty.”Satan, annoyed, st
Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughingConfused, he asks them why they're happy.They tell him, “Well, it's been bitterly cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty.”Satan, annoyed, st
19.
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigateHe then dug a hole and burie
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.The old farmer, after seeing what had happened, went over to investigateHe then dug a hole and burie
20.
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?”“Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up“What about it?”“Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…”“What are you talkin' about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly“How c
A man walks into a bar one day and asks, “Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?”“Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up“What about it?”“Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him…”“What are you talkin' about?!” the biker says, disbelievingly“How c
21.
A blonde was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories.
A week later the blonde complained to the doctor that they didn’t produce the desired results.
“Have you been taking them regularly?” the doctor asked.
“What do you
A blonde was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories.
A week later the blonde complained to the doctor that they didn’t produce the desired results.
“Have you been taking them regularly?” the doctor asked.
“What do you
22.
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, C
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon.
As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, C
23.
Two wives finally find some time to have a night out, just the two girls.
After a night of happy drinking, they decide to wobble home, but on the way both have a desperate need to pee.
They nip into a cemetery, do the deed and realize they have noth
Two wives finally find some time to have a night out, just the two girls.
After a night of happy drinking, they decide to wobble home, but on the way both have a desperate need to pee.
They nip into a cemetery, do the deed and realize they have noth
24.
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed…As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed…As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started
25.
A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body
A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body
26.
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other.
The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without t
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other.
The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without t
27.
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle,
bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself,
“What if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break”.
So, I drank all the S
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle,
bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself,
“What if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break”.
So, I drank all the S
28.
This dog walks into a post office and says to the Postmaster.
“I need to send a telegram.”
The Postmaster says.
“OK, what is it?”
The dog says.
“I need it to say, Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof.”
The Postmaster counts the words and s
This dog walks into a post office and says to the Postmaster.
“I need to send a telegram.”
The Postmaster says.
“OK, what is it?”
The dog says.
“I need it to say, Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof.”
The Postmaster counts the words and s
29.
On his first day on the job, the trainee dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone:“Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!”The voice from the other side responded:“You fool, you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?”“No,” replied
On his first day on the job, the trainee dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone:“Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!”The voice from the other side responded:“You fool, you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?”“No,” replied
30.
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed.The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, “I was sta
When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local motor-vehicle bureau was packed.The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license.He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, “I was sta
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Eng Jokes