1.
When Pat and Mike met each other on the street one day, Pat noticed that Mike had a terrible cold.“Have you seen a doctor about that cold?” he asked.“No,” said Mike, “But I probably shouldDo you know a good doctor?”Pat gave him the name of his own doctor
When Pat and Mike met each other on the street one day, Pat noticed that Mike had a terrible cold.“Have you seen a doctor about that cold?” he asked.“No,” said Mike, “But I probably shouldDo you know a good doctor?”Pat gave him the name of his own doctor
2.
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law schoolHe decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town.He really wanted to impress everyoneHe opened his new law office, but business was very
Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law schoolHe decided to come back to the small town because he could be a big man in this small town.He really wanted to impress everyoneHe opened his new law office, but business was very
3.
Two wives finally find some time to have a night out, just the two girls.
After a night of happy drinking, they decide to wobble home, but on the way both have a desperate need to pee.
They nip into a cemetery, do the deed and realize they have noth
Two wives finally find some time to have a night out, just the two girls.
After a night of happy drinking, they decide to wobble home, but on the way both have a desperate need to pee.
They nip into a cemetery, do the deed and realize they have noth
4.
A woman finds Aladdin's magic lamp.She starts rubbing it and a Genie comes out as usual.The woman looks at the Genie and asks him to grant her wishes:She says“I want my husband to have eyes only for me.I want to be the only one in his life.I want him to s
A woman finds Aladdin's magic lamp.She starts rubbing it and a Genie comes out as usual.The woman looks at the Genie and asks him to grant her wishes:She says“I want my husband to have eyes only for me.I want to be the only one in his life.I want him to s
5.
A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children.
Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic, but the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.
“Darling wife,” the husband whispers, “assure me that the
A man lies on his deathbed, surrounded by his family: a weeping wife and four children.
Three of the children are tall, good-looking and athletic, but the fourth and youngest is an ugly runt.
“Darling wife,” the husband whispers, “assure me that the
6.
They planned to stay at the same hotel where they had spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife
They planned to stay at the same hotel where they had spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife
7.
Three old ladies – Gertrude, Maude and Tilly – were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation.Suddenly, a handsome young man dressed only in a trench coat approached them from across the parkHe was holding his coat together with his hands and di
Three old ladies – Gertrude, Maude and Tilly – were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation.Suddenly, a handsome young man dressed only in a trench coat approached them from across the parkHe was holding his coat together with his hands and di
8.
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music.
No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads “Ludwig van B
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music.
No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads “Ludwig van B
9.
A man and his mother-in-law went to Jerusalem and while they were there the mother-in-law passes away.The priest says to the man, “for $150 we can bury your mother-in-law here or for $5000 we can ship her back home to be buried.The man replies, “Oh I will
A man and his mother-in-law went to Jerusalem and while they were there the mother-in-law passes away.The priest says to the man, “for $150 we can bury your mother-in-law here or for $5000 we can ship her back home to be buried.The man replies, “Oh I will
10.
1Call when you say you are going to call.2Never lie, about anything.3Showing emotion is good, it does not make you weak, it makes you human.4Girls talk on “Girls Night Out” so don't be surprised if you get in trouble when we get back.5The correct answer t
1Call when you say you are going to call.2Never lie, about anything.3Showing emotion is good, it does not make you weak, it makes you human.4Girls talk on “Girls Night Out” so don't be surprised if you get in trouble when we get back.5The correct answer t
11.
The pilot complains about the airmans attitude, but his comeback is pricelessDuring the pilot's pre-flight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight.So a message is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty
The pilot complains about the airmans attitude, but his comeback is pricelessDuring the pilot's pre-flight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight.So a message is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty
12.
An elderly couple talk in the evening:“Honey, I'm so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often.How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?”“I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.”“And that helps?”“Yes, because I'm using your too
An elderly couple talk in the evening:“Honey, I'm so sorry that I let out my anger at you so often.How do you manage to stay so calm with my foul moods?”“I always go and clean the toilet when that happens.”“And that helps?”“Yes, because I'm using your too
13.
Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fireA lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms.“Hey, lady,” yells Larry, “Throw me the cat.”“No,” she cries, “It's too far.”“I play football
Larry, a local football star, is jogging down the street when he sees a building on fireA lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms.“Hey, lady,” yells Larry, “Throw me the cat.”“No,” she cries, “It's too far.”“I play football
14.
Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting oldThe first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need
Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting oldThe first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need
15.
Three old ladies – Gertrude, Maude and Tilly – were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation.Suddenly, a handsome young man dressed only in a trench coat approached them from across the parkHe was holding his coat together with his hands and di
Three old ladies – Gertrude, Maude and Tilly – were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation.Suddenly, a handsome young man dressed only in a trench coat approached them from across the parkHe was holding his coat together with his hands and di
16.
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
17.
A woman is at the funeral of her husband, everyone is going up to say kind words about him, when one man turns around to the wife and says,“Would you mind if i went up and said a few words?”She replied, “Of course not, please feel free to.”So the man walk
A woman is at the funeral of her husband, everyone is going up to say kind words about him, when one man turns around to the wife and says,“Would you mind if i went up and said a few words?”She replied, “Of course not, please feel free to.”So the man walk
18.
The following is a true story, and this situation supposedly occurred in a real courtroom.
At a trial, an attorney was putting witnesses through an exacting cross-examination, and was taking great delight into forcing witnesses to admit that they did n
The following is a true story, and this situation supposedly occurred in a real courtroom.
At a trial, an attorney was putting witnesses through an exacting cross-examination, and was taking great delight into forcing witnesses to admit that they did n
19.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
20.
“I don't know why, but I'm afraid that this room might be bugged with listening devices.” the girlfriend tells her boyfriend.“That's crazy, there's nothing to be worried about.” the man replies.The girl insists, so he starts to search the roomHe looks in
“I don't know why, but I'm afraid that this room might be bugged with listening devices.” the girlfriend tells her boyfriend.“That's crazy, there's nothing to be worried about.” the man replies.The girl insists, so he starts to search the roomHe looks in
21.
Two men were talking about a friend who had recently passed away.
“By the time Jack died, he had a transplanted heart, a plastic hip joint, a plastic leg and a plastic arm.”
“Where did they bury him?'”
“They didn’t bury him — he was recycled!”
Two men were talking about a friend who had recently passed away.
“By the time Jack died, he had a transplanted heart, a plastic hip joint, a plastic leg and a plastic arm.”
“Where did they bury him?'”
“They didn’t bury him — he was recycled!”
22.
When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports.Every day, they find nothingAnd yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in the tea houses or resta
When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports.Every day, they find nothingAnd yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in the tea houses or resta
23.
Fish goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Hello, sir. What brings you in today?”
The fish replies, “Everything. I hurt my back at work, I have a cold, my eyesight is going, and I have high blood pressure.”
The doctor raises his eyebrows, jots do
Fish goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Hello, sir. What brings you in today?”
The fish replies, “Everything. I hurt my back at work, I have a cold, my eyesight is going, and I have high blood pressure.”
The doctor raises his eyebrows, jots do
24.
Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down.So he rushes round to the presbytery to fe
Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down.So he rushes round to the presbytery to fe
25.
A man calls home to his wife and says,
“Honey, I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends.
We’ll be gone for a week.
This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting so could you
A man calls home to his wife and says,
“Honey, I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends.
We’ll be gone for a week.
This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting so could you
26.
When I first met my wife we went on our first date and I was pretty nervous.
I wanted to take her somewhere different to break the monotonous “first date” vibe of coffee or drinks so we decided to go to a local apiary to help transplant some bees to a
When I first met my wife we went on our first date and I was pretty nervous.
I wanted to take her somewhere different to break the monotonous “first date” vibe of coffee or drinks so we decided to go to a local apiary to help transplant some bees to a
27.
One of the priests said, “Sometimes it feels like such a burden to always be the one who listens to other people's problems – I can only talk about my sins with the bishop, and he just visits once a year…”The others nodded in agreementSuddenly, one of the
One of the priests said, “Sometimes it feels like such a burden to always be the one who listens to other people's problems – I can only talk about my sins with the bishop, and he just visits once a year…”The others nodded in agreementSuddenly, one of the
28.
A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch.
Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
Suddenly the wife st
A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch.
Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
Suddenly the wife st
29.
A kindergarten teacher is having her birthday and three of her students decided to bring her a gift.The first students was little Timmy and his dad owned a Candy Store.Timmy walked up to his teacher and handed her a nice little gift wrapped boxThe teacher
A kindergarten teacher is having her birthday and three of her students decided to bring her a gift.The first students was little Timmy and his dad owned a Candy Store.Timmy walked up to his teacher and handed her a nice little gift wrapped boxThe teacher
30.
However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed.“Well,” one says to the other, pointing to a nearby Cathedral, “Why don't we attend Mass?”“Sure,” replies his friend“But we don't know how the Fr
However, they arrived several hours early, and had little to do on Sunday morning while everything was closed.“Well,” one says to the other, pointing to a nearby Cathedral, “Why don't we attend Mass?”“Sure,” replies his friend“But we don't know how the Fr
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Eng Jokes