1.
The mother came on her little son who was standing thoughtfully before the gooseberry bush in the garden.She noted that his expression was both puzzled and distressed.“Why, what's the matter, little lamb?” she asked tenderly.“I'm thinkin, mumy,” the boy a
The mother came on her little son who was standing thoughtfully before the gooseberry bush in the garden.She noted that his expression was both puzzled and distressed.“Why, what's the matter, little lamb?” she asked tenderly.“I'm thinkin, mumy,” the boy a
2.
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father.He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.After a few minutes, Larry asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”His father replied
Little Larry attended a horse auction with his father.He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest.After a few minutes, Larry asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”His father replied
3.
Who in the hell is Larry?
Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, says “Where the hell have you been?”
Larry replies “I was out getting a tattoo!”
“A tattoo”? She frowned.
“What kind of tattoo did you get?”
“
Who in the hell is Larry?
Well Larry is the guy who gets home late one night and Linda, his wife, says “Where the hell have you been?”
Larry replies “I was out getting a tattoo!”
“A tattoo”? She frowned.
“What kind of tattoo did you get?”
“
4.
Mike was driving home from a long business trip in Northern Arizona, when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road.As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride.With a silent
Mike was driving home from a long business trip in Northern Arizona, when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road.As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride.With a silent
5.
A man drove past a traffic camera and saw it flash.He couldn't believe he had been caught speeding when he was driving below the speed limit for once!He turned around and drove past again, this time even slower.But as he passed the camera, it flashed agai
A man drove past a traffic camera and saw it flash.He couldn't believe he had been caught speeding when he was driving below the speed limit for once!He turned around and drove past again, this time even slower.But as he passed the camera, it flashed agai
6.
Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 storeas they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, “wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?”The second nun answered, “indeed it would, sister, but I would not feel comforta
Two nuns were shopping at a 7-11 storeas they passed by the beer cooler, one nun said to the other, “wouldn't a nice cool beer or two taste wonderful on a hot summer evening?”The second nun answered, “indeed it would, sister, but I would not feel comforta
7.
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were each given the same red rubber ball and told to find the volume.The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were each given the same red rubber ball and told to find the volume.The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral.The physicist filled a beaker with water, put the ball in
8.
For the umpteenth time MrsJones told her pastor,“I'm so scared! My husband says he's going to kill me if I continue to come to your church.”“Yes, yes, my child,” replied the pastor, tired of hearing this before.“I will continue to pray for you, MrsJonesHa
For the umpteenth time MrsJones told her pastor,“I'm so scared! My husband says he's going to kill me if I continue to come to your church.”“Yes, yes, my child,” replied the pastor, tired of hearing this before.“I will continue to pray for you, MrsJonesHa
9.
An elderly gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors.The waiting room was filled with patientsHe approached the receptionist deskThe receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestlerHe gave
An elderly gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors.The waiting room was filled with patientsHe approached the receptionist deskThe receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestlerHe gave
10.
Once while travelling, Tenali Rama found himself in the company of a group of soldiers.
They were all veterans of war and soon they got to talking about their experiences on the battlefield.
One old soldier told of the time he had single-handedly sl
Once while travelling, Tenali Rama found himself in the company of a group of soldiers.
They were all veterans of war and soon they got to talking about their experiences on the battlefield.
One old soldier told of the time he had single-handedly sl
11.
A woman overhears her 7 year old son playing with his toy train set.
As he’s moving his train around, he stops the train and says “This stop is Los Angeles.
If this is your stop, get the bloody hell off. If this is not your stop, stay the bloody hel
A woman overhears her 7 year old son playing with his toy train set.
As he’s moving his train around, he stops the train and says “This stop is Los Angeles.
If this is your stop, get the bloody hell off. If this is not your stop, stay the bloody hel
12.
A bus driver was plying his regular driving route when an old lady got on the bus and sat behind the driver,
For every ten minutes into the ride, She kept asking the driver a question.
The first ten minutes into the ride, the old woman piped up and
A bus driver was plying his regular driving route when an old lady got on the bus and sat behind the driver,
For every ten minutes into the ride, She kept asking the driver a question.
The first ten minutes into the ride, the old woman piped up and
13.
After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes.As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice “Hi Sweetheart, its Rajaram I'm on
After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes.As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice “Hi Sweetheart, its Rajaram I'm on
14.
Three pregnant women are sitting in a cafe having lunch when one of them says.
“I know that I’m going to have a boy.”
The other two women think about that for a moment, and then one of them says.
“OK, how do you know you’re going to have a boy?”<
Three pregnant women are sitting in a cafe having lunch when one of them says.
“I know that I’m going to have a boy.”
The other two women think about that for a moment, and then one of them says.
“OK, how do you know you’re going to have a boy?”<
15.
Suddenly a big burly man walks in and slaps Ray so hard that he falls off the stool.“That was a karate chop from Korea,” says the big man proudly.Ray sighs, gets up and brushes the dust off his clothes, sits down on the stool and continues to drink his be
Suddenly a big burly man walks in and slaps Ray so hard that he falls off the stool.“That was a karate chop from Korea,” says the big man proudly.Ray sighs, gets up and brushes the dust off his clothes, sits down on the stool and continues to drink his be
16.
… and there's a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table.He's been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn't have the courage to start talking to her.Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the m
… and there's a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table.He's been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn't have the courage to start talking to her.Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the m
17.
The most famous of all debates in American history are the seven between Abraham Lincoln and Stephen ADouglas campaigning in Illinois in 1858 for a Senate seat.On one occasion, Douglas attempted to buffalo Lincoln by making allusions to his lowly start in
The most famous of all debates in American history are the seven between Abraham Lincoln and Stephen ADouglas campaigning in Illinois in 1858 for a Senate seat.On one occasion, Douglas attempted to buffalo Lincoln by making allusions to his lowly start in
18.
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other.
The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without t
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other.
The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without t
19.
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage,
when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a v**rgin.”
The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.”
The
A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage,
when the new bride says to the husband, “I have a confession to make, I’m not a v**rgin.”
The husband replies, “That’s no big thing in this day and age.”
The
20.
A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.
They searched them and took the guys wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find an
A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.
They searched them and took the guys wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn’t find an
21.
The final exam for a class was scheduled from 8:00-11:00 AMAt 10 AM, with one hour to go, Little Johnny walks in and asks for an exam:The professor hands it to him but informs him that he still must finish within the hour or he will receive a zero and fai
The final exam for a class was scheduled from 8:00-11:00 AMAt 10 AM, with one hour to go, Little Johnny walks in and asks for an exam:The professor hands it to him but informs him that he still must finish within the hour or he will receive a zero and fai
22.
It's a beautiful warm day and a man and his wife are at the ZooShe's wearing a cute loose-fitting, pink spring dress, Sleeveless with straps.As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the beast goes crazy.He jumps up o
It's a beautiful warm day and a man and his wife are at the ZooShe's wearing a cute loose-fitting, pink spring dress, Sleeveless with straps.As they walk through the ape exhibit and pass in front of a very large gorilla, the beast goes crazy.He jumps up o
23.
A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body
A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body
24.
Johnny went to confession, at the beginning of Lent….
“Bless me Father for I have sinned.
It has been 3 months since my last confession.
In that time I have disobeyed my parents nine times, missed Sunday Mass once, had impure thoughts, oh,
abo
Johnny went to confession, at the beginning of Lent….
“Bless me Father for I have sinned.
It has been 3 months since my last confession.
In that time I have disobeyed my parents nine times, missed Sunday Mass once, had impure thoughts, oh,
abo
25.
This morning I was sitting on a bench next to a homeless man, I asked him how he ended up this way.He said: “Up until last week, I still had it all!!! A cook, my clothes were washed & pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV, internet, I we
This morning I was sitting on a bench next to a homeless man, I asked him how he ended up this way.He said: “Up until last week, I still had it all!!! A cook, my clothes were washed & pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had TV, internet, I we
26.
Four elderly ranchers were enjoying breakfast in a small cafe in northern Arizona.They were talking about everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good ol' days.”Eventually, the conversation moved on to their spouses.O
Four elderly ranchers were enjoying breakfast in a small cafe in northern Arizona.They were talking about everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the “good ol' days.”Eventually, the conversation moved on to their spouses.O
27.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.“Not a chance,” says the husband, “It is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.“Who was that?” asked his wife.“Just some
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.“Not a chance,” says the husband, “It is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.“Who was that?” asked his wife.“Just some
28.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall.An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room.The old
After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall.An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room.The old
29.
… so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little.Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and music starts playing!“… On the road again, just can't wait to g
… so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little.Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and music starts playing!“… On the road again, just can't wait to g
30.
An insurance company asked for more information regarding a work-related accident claimThis was the response:“I put ‘poor planning' as the cause of my accidentI am an amateur radio operator and was working on the top section of my new 80 foot tower.When I
An insurance company asked for more information regarding a work-related accident claimThis was the response:“I put ‘poor planning' as the cause of my accidentI am an amateur radio operator and was working on the top section of my new 80 foot tower.When I
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Eng Jokes