1.
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbour and says,“Please come over here and help meI have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.”Her neighbor asks, “What is it supposed to be when it's finished?”The little silver-haired
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbour and says,“Please come over here and help meI have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.”Her neighbor asks, “What is it supposed to be when it's finished?”The little silver-haired
2.
An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money.She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money After many lengthy discussion
An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money.She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money After many lengthy discussion
3.
Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.
However, soon after the weather turned cold, the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south.
After a short time, ice began to form h
Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.
However, soon after the weather turned cold, the sparrow changed his mind and reluctantly started to fly south.
After a short time, ice began to form h
4.
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail timeI want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of d
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail timeI want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of d
5.
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher.The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed.The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.The case was schedul
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher.The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed.The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.The case was schedul
6.
In Mexico City, the 200 meter final was runAmerican (black) athletes Tommie Smith and John Carlos came first and third, while Australian (white) Peter Norman won the second.While they were waiting for the medal ceremony, Carlos came to Peter Norman and as
In Mexico City, the 200 meter final was runAmerican (black) athletes Tommie Smith and John Carlos came first and third, while Australian (white) Peter Norman won the second.While they were waiting for the medal ceremony, Carlos came to Peter Norman and as
7.
All three sit down at the barThe bartender looks at the man and says, “What'll ya have?”The man says, “Gimme a beer.” The ostrich says, “I'll have one too.” The cat says, “I want two beers, but I'm only gonna pay half price.”The bartender serves up four b
All three sit down at the barThe bartender looks at the man and says, “What'll ya have?”The man says, “Gimme a beer.” The ostrich says, “I'll have one too.” The cat says, “I want two beers, but I'm only gonna pay half price.”The bartender serves up four b
8.
There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area.
She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.
“Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” Th
There was this blonde city-girl who was out driving and found herself in a rural area.
She noted a farm animal standing next to a farmer and stopped the car to ask the farmer a question.
“Sir,” she inquired, “Why doesn’t this cow have any horns?” Th
9.
The woman seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hersShe gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.The woman seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caress
The woman seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hersShe gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.The woman seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caress
10.
One Halloween long ago, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a boy went out with his friends…
The boy, of course, did a bit more tricking than treating on that night.
As he returned home after a long night of mischievous activities, he was conf
One Halloween long ago, in a small town in the middle of nowhere, a boy went out with his friends…
The boy, of course, did a bit more tricking than treating on that night.
As he returned home after a long night of mischievous activities, he was conf
11.
… but his Father explained that with the boys' Mother just losing her job, and their £80,000 mortgage, there was no way that such a gift could be afforded.The next day, the man saw his son packing his suitcase, and said,‘C'mon, Son, it's not that bad, we'
… but his Father explained that with the boys' Mother just losing her job, and their £80,000 mortgage, there was no way that such a gift could be afforded.The next day, the man saw his son packing his suitcase, and said,‘C'mon, Son, it's not that bad, we'
12.
A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago.He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there.When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be pas
A man was telling his co-worker one day that the company was transferring him to Chicago.He explained that he was going to quit before he had to move there.When asked why, he replied that he was just too afraid of all the crime even though he would be pas
13.
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.“So, what is it?” grumbled the governor.“Judge Gerber has just died” said the att
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.“So, what is it?” grumbled the governor.“Judge Gerber has just died” said the att
14.
The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills.The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that.But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel,
The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills.The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that.But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel,
15.
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, “Do you know me?” To which she replies, “I think you’re the father of
16.
A guy comes home from work and he is quite upset.His wife looks worried and asks him what's wrong.He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.“Honey, what i
A guy comes home from work and he is quite upset.His wife looks worried and asks him what's wrong.He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.“Honey, what i
17.
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.
Now, I want the party who said this to stand a
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, “Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.
This is a horrible lie. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.
Now, I want the party who said this to stand a
18.
When Pat and Mike met each other on the street one day, Pat noticed that Mike had a terrible cold.“Have you seen a doctor about that cold?” he asked.“No,” said Mike, “But I probably shouldDo you know a good doctor?”Pat gave him the name of his own doctor
When Pat and Mike met each other on the street one day, Pat noticed that Mike had a terrible cold.“Have you seen a doctor about that cold?” he asked.“No,” said Mike, “But I probably shouldDo you know a good doctor?”Pat gave him the name of his own doctor
19.
A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.She wanted to make sure that the c
A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.She wanted to make sure that the c
20.
A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plantA store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area.However, little did B
A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plantA store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area.However, little did B
21.
A group of guys, all age 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the waitresses there were gorgeous, with lovely legs, lovely smiles and and great personalities.
A group of guys, all age 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.
Finally it was agreed that they would meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the waitresses there were gorgeous, with lovely legs, lovely smiles and and great personalities.
22.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first guy a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. “This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”The first guy answers, “That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!”Th
23.
A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for dinner.
This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervou
A woman goes to her boyfriend’s parents’ house for dinner.
This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.
They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervou
24.
… something that this captain knows all too well.A ship was travelling in a dangerous part of the sea. The captain saw a pirate ship approaching their vessel.The captain yells to his crew, “Men, bring me my red shirt!”The crew brings him his red shirt, h
… something that this captain knows all too well.A ship was travelling in a dangerous part of the sea. The captain saw a pirate ship approaching their vessel.The captain yells to his crew, “Men, bring me my red shirt!”The crew brings him his red shirt, h
25.
All of his tests came back with normal results.DrDarns said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?”George replied, “God
All of his tests came back with normal results.DrDarns said, “George, everything looks great physically. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with yourself, and do you have a good relationship with your God?”George replied, “God
26.
The pastor stood before the congregation and said;“I have bad news, I have good news, and I have more bad news.”The congregation got quiet.“The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!” the pastor said.The congregation groaned.“The good news is: we have
The pastor stood before the congregation and said;“I have bad news, I have good news, and I have more bad news.”The congregation got quiet.“The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!” the pastor said.The congregation groaned.“The good news is: we have
27.
A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying.To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands.He wa
A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying.To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands.He wa
28.
The teacher asked all the students to write an essay on the subject My Pet.
The next day she started checking the homework of everyone.
After checking Little Johnny’s essay teacher asked him,
“Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as y
The teacher asked all the students to write an essay on the subject My Pet.
The next day she started checking the homework of everyone.
After checking Little Johnny’s essay teacher asked him,
“Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as y
29.
One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled with his wife.He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbour's houseThe Hodja followed her there.The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats.When t
One day Nasreddin Hodja quarrelled with his wife.He shouted at her till she could not bear it and fled to her neighbour's houseThe Hodja followed her there.The neighbours managed to placate the angry husband and served the couple tea and sweetmeats.When t
30.
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner:The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked“If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead
A woman was walking down the street when she was accosted by a homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner:The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked“If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead
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Eng Jokes