1.
Bob was in troubleHe forgot his wedding anniversaryHis wife was really pissed.She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”The next morning he got up early and left
Bob was in troubleHe forgot his wedding anniversaryHis wife was really pissed.She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”The next morning he got up early and left
2.
I took the day off work and decided to go out golfing.
I was on the second hole when I noticed a frog sitting next to the green. I didn’t think anything of it and was about to shoot when the frog says, “Ribbit. 9- Iron”.
I looked around and didn’t s
I took the day off work and decided to go out golfing.
I was on the second hole when I noticed a frog sitting next to the green. I didn’t think anything of it and was about to shoot when the frog says, “Ribbit. 9- Iron”.
I looked around and didn’t s
3.
Fred came home from University in tears. “Mum, am I adopted?”
“No of course not”, replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?
Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a famil
Fred came home from University in tears. “Mum, am I adopted?”
“No of course not”, replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?
Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a famil
4.
Hints on how to liven up your idle hours to maintain a healthy level of insanity:1At lunch time, sit In your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing carswatch them slow down.2On all your cheque stubs, write “For Marijuana”3Skip dow
Hints on how to liven up your idle hours to maintain a healthy level of insanity:1At lunch time, sit In your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing carswatch them slow down.2On all your cheque stubs, write “For Marijuana”3Skip dow
5.
A woman overhears her 7 year old son playing with his toy train set.
As he’s moving his train around, he stops the train and says “This stop is Los Angeles.
If this is your stop, get the bloody hell off. If this is not your stop, stay the bloody hel
A woman overhears her 7 year old son playing with his toy train set.
As he’s moving his train around, he stops the train and says “This stop is Los Angeles.
If this is your stop, get the bloody hell off. If this is not your stop, stay the bloody hel
6.
Unlike English, Spanish and many other languages have masculine and feminine nouns, which determine whether you say “el” for masculine or “la” for feminine.So the committee divided into two groups to each come up with the best four arguments for computers
Unlike English, Spanish and many other languages have masculine and feminine nouns, which determine whether you say “el” for masculine or “la” for feminine.So the committee divided into two groups to each come up with the best four arguments for computers
7.
A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US…
… and after a base hit, he hears the fans roaring, “Run… Run!”
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent, “R-
A Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US…
… and after a base hit, he hears the fans roaring, “Run… Run!”
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent, “R-
8.
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane.Suddenly, the plane developed engine troubleIn spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down.Finally, the pilot grabbed a
A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane.Suddenly, the plane developed engine troubleIn spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down.Finally, the pilot grabbed a
9.
… and there's a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table.He's been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn't have the courage to start talking to her.Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the m
… and there's a beautiful redhead sitting at the next table.He's been sneakily checking her out ever since he arrived, but doesn't have the courage to start talking to her.Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the m
10.
… and he was eager to show it off to all his colleagues.He parked by the side of the road and opened the driver's side door, when all of a sudden an eighteen-wheeler truck came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door with it.“NOOO! My Jaguar, m
… and he was eager to show it off to all his colleagues.He parked by the side of the road and opened the driver's side door, when all of a sudden an eighteen-wheeler truck came out of nowhere and took off the driver's side door with it.“NOOO! My Jaguar, m
11.
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day.The girl approached the boy and said, “Hey Billy, want to play house?”He said, “Sure! What do you want me to do?”Sally replied, “I want you to communicate your feelings.”“Communicate my feelings?” sa
A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day.The girl approached the boy and said, “Hey Billy, want to play house?”He said, “Sure! What do you want me to do?”Sally replied, “I want you to communicate your feelings.”“Communicate my feelings?” sa
12.
Six engineers and six mathematicians are attending a conference and are traveling by train.One by one, each of the mathematicians goes up to the ticket counter and buys a ticket to the conferenceBut only one of the engineers doesThe math majors started la
Six engineers and six mathematicians are attending a conference and are traveling by train.One by one, each of the mathematicians goes up to the ticket counter and buys a ticket to the conferenceBut only one of the engineers doesThe math majors started la
13.
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man picks up with the speakerphone on and begins to talk.Everyone else in the room stops talking:MAN: “Hello?”WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it's meAre you at the club?”MAN: “Yes.”
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man picks up with the speakerphone on and begins to talk.Everyone else in the room stops talking:MAN: “Hello?”WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it's meAre you at the club?”MAN: “Yes.”
14.
Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down.So he rushes round to the presbytery to fe
Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down.So he rushes round to the presbytery to fe
15.
After driving for about six hours,…
a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while.
As soon as he falls asleep,…
He is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab.
“Can you tell me the time, please?” asks a jogger.
“Yeah, it’s
After driving for about six hours,…
a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while.
As soon as he falls asleep,…
He is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab.
“Can you tell me the time, please?” asks a jogger.
“Yeah, it’s
16.
A very proper business lady was on the lot of a Mercedes dealership in her local town.
She strolled through the vehicles until she found a car that caught her eye.
After looking it over for a while she noticed the car was unlocked.
She opened the
A very proper business lady was on the lot of a Mercedes dealership in her local town.
She strolled through the vehicles until she found a car that caught her eye.
After looking it over for a while she noticed the car was unlocked.
She opened the
17.
Mummy is embarrassed by her sons choice of words, so tells him thisSo he gets out of bed, runs downstairs into the living room, and finds his mother chatting to a bunch of her friends.“MUM,” the boy yells at the top of his voice, “I GOTTA PISS! I GOTTA PI
Mummy is embarrassed by her sons choice of words, so tells him thisSo he gets out of bed, runs downstairs into the living room, and finds his mother chatting to a bunch of her friends.“MUM,” the boy yells at the top of his voice, “I GOTTA PISS! I GOTTA PI
18.
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lieHe decides to test it out on his son at supper.Dad says: “Where were you last night?”Son says: “I was at the library.”The robot slaps the son.Son says “OK, I was at a friend's house.”“Doing wha
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lieHe decides to test it out on his son at supper.Dad says: “Where were you last night?”Son says: “I was at the library.”The robot slaps the son.Son says “OK, I was at a friend's house.”“Doing wha
19.
A farmer had just gotten a new rooster for his hens and the old rooster of many years was worried he would be replaced.
However, he had a cunning plan on dealing with this young rival.
He went up to the new rooster and said, “Right, I’ll make you a
A farmer had just gotten a new rooster for his hens and the old rooster of many years was worried he would be replaced.
However, he had a cunning plan on dealing with this young rival.
He went up to the new rooster and said, “Right, I’ll make you a
20.
I can't speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age he says to the doc. There's a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing, explains the doctor simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn't hear you, m
I can't speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age he says to the doc. There's a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing, explains the doctor simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn't hear you, m
21.
A guy was limping, so his friend asked him what was wrong.
He replied, “My foot bugs me sometimes. It’s just an old basketball injury.”
His friend said, “Uh, aren’t you kinda short for a basketball player?”
He replied, “Oh no, I never played bask
A guy was limping, so his friend asked him what was wrong.
He replied, “My foot bugs me sometimes. It’s just an old basketball injury.”
His friend said, “Uh, aren’t you kinda short for a basketball player?”
He replied, “Oh no, I never played bask
22.
The pastor stood before the congregation and said;“I have bad news, I have good news, and I have more bad news.”The congregation got quiet.“The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!” the pastor said.The congregation groaned.“The good news is: we have
The pastor stood before the congregation and said;“I have bad news, I have good news, and I have more bad news.”The congregation got quiet.“The bad news is: the church needs a new roof!” the pastor said.The congregation groaned.“The good news is: we have
23.
A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices.After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said angrily, “Maybe I'll just go out and cat
A blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but didn't want to pay the high prices.After unsuccessfully haggling with of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde said angrily, “Maybe I'll just go out and cat
24.
It was about a month ago when a woman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest.“Forgive me Father, for I have sinnedDuring WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.”“Well,” answered the priest, “that's not a sin.”“But I made him agree to
It was about a month ago when a woman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so went to his priest.“Forgive me Father, for I have sinnedDuring WWII I hid a refugee in my attic.”“Well,” answered the priest, “that's not a sin.”“But I made him agree to
25.
A couple whose marriage was on the rocks sought the advice of their pastor.
The pastor encouraged them to patch up their quarrel and keep their vows, but the couple was adamant.
“Well,” said the pastor, “you know the consequences if you insist on a
A couple whose marriage was on the rocks sought the advice of their pastor.
The pastor encouraged them to patch up their quarrel and keep their vows, but the couple was adamant.
“Well,” said the pastor, “you know the consequences if you insist on a
26.
A group of tourists was visiting a crocodile farm and they were in a floating structure in the middle of a crocodile lake.The owner of the farm shouted:“Whoever jumps into the water and swims to shore, will receive 10 million dollars.”The silence was deaf
A group of tourists was visiting a crocodile farm and they were in a floating structure in the middle of a crocodile lake.The owner of the farm shouted:“Whoever jumps into the water and swims to shore, will receive 10 million dollars.”The silence was deaf
27.
Some ecclesiastical gentlemen — a cardinal, a couple of bishops and some others — were waiting outside the Pearly Gates for St. Peter to open up.
He finally arrived, but just they were about to enter heaven St. Peter asked them to wait a moment and let
Some ecclesiastical gentlemen — a cardinal, a couple of bishops and some others — were waiting outside the Pearly Gates for St. Peter to open up.
He finally arrived, but just they were about to enter heaven St. Peter asked them to wait a moment and let
28.
A man is talking to the family doctor:,..
“Doctor, I think my wife is going deaf.”
The doctor answers:,..
“Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing.
Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question.
If she doesn
A man is talking to the family doctor:,..
“Doctor, I think my wife is going deaf.”
The doctor answers:,..
“Well, here’s something you can try on her to test her hearing.
Stand some distance away from her and ask her a question.
If she doesn
29.
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for adviceThe doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days.This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thi
An overweight blonde consulted her doctor for adviceThe doctor said she should run ten miles a day for thirty days.This, he promised, would help her lose the 20 pounds she's been trying to get rid of.The blonde followed the doctor's advice, and, after thi
30.
Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber… He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,”You died in your sleep Ralph.” Ralph was stunned.
“I’m dead?No I can’t be! I’ve got too much
Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber… He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,”You died in your sleep Ralph.” Ralph was stunned.
“I’m dead?No I can’t be! I’ve got too much
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