1.
He was a widower and she a widow.They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with
He was a widower and she a widow.They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with
2.
Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for.When it was Jerry's turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years.“Wow,” the leader gushed, “that's amazing, perhaps you
Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for.When it was Jerry's turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years.“Wow,” the leader gushed, “that's amazing, perhaps you
3.
A pastor, who shall we say was “humor impaired,” attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the enti
A pastor, who shall we say was “humor impaired,” attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the enti
4.
Two little boys are going to the hospital the next day for operations.Theirs will be first on the schedule.The older boy leans over and asks, “What are you having done?”The second boy says, I'm getting my tonsils out, and I'm afraid.”The first boy says, “
Two little boys are going to the hospital the next day for operations.Theirs will be first on the schedule.The older boy leans over and asks, “What are you having done?”The second boy says, I'm getting my tonsils out, and I'm afraid.”The first boy says, “
5.
Me and my two brothers wanted to give my grandpa nice birthday gifts.
My two brothers, both more wealthy than me, bought a brand new car and a beautiful cabin on lakefront property respectively.
I couldn’t afford anything other than a talking parrot
Me and my two brothers wanted to give my grandpa nice birthday gifts.
My two brothers, both more wealthy than me, bought a brand new car and a beautiful cabin on lakefront property respectively.
I couldn’t afford anything other than a talking parrot
6.
A violent tropical storm enveloped a sailing yacht off the southern coast of Florida lasting all night and most of the next morning.
As the sky cleared and the seas calmed, the people on the yacht realized they were grounded on a coral reef about a mil
A violent tropical storm enveloped a sailing yacht off the southern coast of Florida lasting all night and most of the next morning.
As the sky cleared and the seas calmed, the people on the yacht realized they were grounded on a coral reef about a mil
7.
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner.
A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on
A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner.
A call came over the car’s radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.
The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on
8.
“Did Santa get you that?” “Yes,” replies the little girl.“Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!” and fines her $5.The little girl looks up at the cop and says,“Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?”The cop chuckles and r
“Did Santa get you that?” “Yes,” replies the little girl.“Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!” and fines her $5.The little girl looks up at the cop and says,“Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?”The cop chuckles and r
9.
… after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.“You see, ” Carl says “for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and i
… after taking some time to size Jim up and decide that he can trust him, Carl tells Jim about his plan to escape.“You see, ” Carl says “for the first 5 years I was inside, I trained my digestive system to follow my command. Now I can eat something and i
10.
Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the groundSo large that they can't see the bottom of this hole“I wonder how deep it is.”, the first man says.The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into holeThey wait an
Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the groundSo large that they can't see the bottom of this hole“I wonder how deep it is.”, the first man says.The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into holeThey wait an
11.
Kenny, a city boy, moved to the country and purchased a donkey from an old farmer for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the following day.
The next morning, the farmer drove up and said,
“Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The donk
Kenny, a city boy, moved to the country and purchased a donkey from an old farmer for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the following day.
The next morning, the farmer drove up and said,
“Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The donk
12.
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.
“Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven.
“But
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.
“Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven.
“But
13.
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him wha
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him wha
14.
A man lay sprawled across three seats in the cinema.When the usherette came by and noticed this, she whispered to the old man “Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat”.The old man didn't budgeThe usherette became more impatient.She said “Sir, if you d
A man lay sprawled across three seats in the cinema.When the usherette came by and noticed this, she whispered to the old man “Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat”.The old man didn't budgeThe usherette became more impatient.She said “Sir, if you d
15.
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over.
He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde woman behind the wheel.
There was a strong smell of liquor on her breath.
He said, “I’m going to give you a breathalyzer test to d
A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and pulled it over.
He walked up to the car and saw a nice-looking blonde woman behind the wheel.
There was a strong smell of liquor on her breath.
He said, “I’m going to give you a breathalyzer test to d
16.
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:‘The tender one'‘The amazing one'‘Lady of my dreams,She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.Then she called the second number to which his sister replied.When she
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:‘The tender one'‘The amazing one'‘Lady of my dreams,She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.Then she called the second number to which his sister replied.When she
17.
Judy and Ted got married and had 13 children, then Ted died of Heart Disease:Judy married again and she and Bob had 7 more children.Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later:Again Judy remarried and this time she and John had 5 more childrenJudy fin
Judy and Ted got married and had 13 children, then Ted died of Heart Disease:Judy married again and she and Bob had 7 more children.Bob was killed in a car accident 12 years later:Again Judy remarried and this time she and John had 5 more childrenJudy fin
18.
A young woman started work in the small English Village chemist shop.She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.The Chemist was going on holiday for a couple of days, and asked if she wouldbe willing to run the shop on her own.She had to
A young woman started work in the small English Village chemist shop.She was very shy about having to sell condoms to the public.The Chemist was going on holiday for a couple of days, and asked if she wouldbe willing to run the shop on her own.She had to
19.
Three nuns died in a car accident. They reached to the gates of heaven but the person who let’s people in said “so I know you are people of the cloth but I decided that I am not going to just let people in, I’m going to give you a test”.
So he goes to
Three nuns died in a car accident. They reached to the gates of heaven but the person who let’s people in said “so I know you are people of the cloth but I decided that I am not going to just let people in, I’m going to give you a test”.
So he goes to
20.
Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.Ma says,“Why don't you go ask the young
Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.Ma says,“Why don't you go ask the young
21.
The teacher asks her class
“What is s*x?”
Little Jonny stands up
says “s*x is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl’s destination.
Did you get my explanation
or do you need a demonstration?”
an
The teacher asks her class
“What is s*x?”
Little Jonny stands up
says “s*x is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl’s destination.
Did you get my explanation
or do you need a demonstration?”
an
22.
Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations.The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up
Little Johnny is constantly late for school and what's worse is that he always has a big lie explaining why.The teacher tells the principal that she has had it with his exaggerations.The principal tells her to send Johnny to him the next time he shows up
23.
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flow
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flow
24.
I was looking for my keysThey were not in my pocketsA quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the carFrantically, I headed for the car park.My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in
I was looking for my keysThey were not in my pocketsA quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the carFrantically, I headed for the car park.My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in
25.
Two blonde girls walk into a department store.
They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.
Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it,
“That’s quite nice, don’t you think, Tracy”
“Yeah. What’s it called Sharon?”
“Viens
Two blonde girls walk into a department store.
They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.
Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it,
“That’s quite nice, don’t you think, Tracy”
“Yeah. What’s it called Sharon?”
“Viens
26.
A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears.
“Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way.
However, g
A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears.
“Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way.
However, g
27.
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each…The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.The man bought thousands at $10
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each…The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.The man bought thousands at $10
28.
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest wo
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”“None,” replied Johnny, “cause the rest wo
29.
After 37 years of marriage Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed.He gave Edith his now ex-wife ju
After 37 years of marriage Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed.He gave Edith his now ex-wife ju
30.
A young man buys a chicken farm out in the country.He doesn't know much about chickens, So he decides to go consult with some of the locals.He finds an old farmer and asks if he might be able to give him some pointers.The old farmer tells him “sure, meet
A young man buys a chicken farm out in the country.He doesn't know much about chickens, So he decides to go consult with some of the locals.He finds an old farmer and asks if he might be able to give him some pointers.The old farmer tells him “sure, meet
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Eng Jokes