1.
Wife: Doing her makeup early morning straight out from BedHusband: Are you crazyWife: Just shut up, I need to unlock my phone.Its on face recognition feature and it is not recognizing me.Husband: Laughing Loudly
Wife: Doing her makeup early morning straight out from BedHusband: Are you crazyWife: Just shut up, I need to unlock my phone.Its on face recognition feature and it is not recognizing me.Husband: Laughing Loudly
2.
A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plantA store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area.However, little did B
A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plantA store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area.However, little did B
3.
A fox sneaked into a farm and grabbed a prize rooster.The farmer saw him and raised the alarm and he and his dogs started chasing the thief.The fox, though he was holding the rooster in his mouth, was running very fast.“Get him! Get him!” shouted “No!” s
A fox sneaked into a farm and grabbed a prize rooster.The farmer saw him and raised the alarm and he and his dogs started chasing the thief.The fox, though he was holding the rooster in his mouth, was running very fast.“Get him! Get him!” shouted “No!” s
4.
A group of Sydney bikers were riding west when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridgeSo they stopped.George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, got off his Harley, walked through a group of gawkers, past the police officer who was trying to talk her
A group of Sydney bikers were riding west when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridgeSo they stopped.George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, got off his Harley, walked through a group of gawkers, past the police officer who was trying to talk her
5.
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friendsEvery day they would sit together to eat their lunchThey discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friendsEvery day they would sit together to eat their lunchThey discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until
6.
A little old couple in their eighties was sitting on the couch watching the [email protected] movie channel:He looked at her and asked“Do you think we can still do that?” “Well, we can sure try!” She answered. So they shuffled off to the bedroom. He went
A little old couple in their eighties was sitting on the couch watching the [email protected] movie channel:He looked at her and asked“Do you think we can still do that?” “Well, we can sure try!” She answered. So they shuffled off to the bedroom. He went
7.
An elderly gentleman had been experiencing serious hearing problems for a number of years.He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.The elderly gentleman went back in
An elderly gentleman had been experiencing serious hearing problems for a number of years.He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.The elderly gentleman went back in
8.
So he does this for her Birthday, much to her dismaySince her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.“I'd like to be six again”, She replied, still looking in the mirror.On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, m
So he does this for her Birthday, much to her dismaySince her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.“I'd like to be six again”, She replied, still looking in the mirror.On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, m
9.
“How are you, darling?” it said“What kind of a day are you having?”“Oh, mother,” said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, “I've had such a bad day.The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and be
“How are you, darling?” it said“What kind of a day are you having?”“Oh, mother,” said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, “I've had such a bad day.The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and be
10.
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.His wife asks, “Do you know her?”“Yes,” sighs the husband.“She's my ex-wife.She took to drinking right after we divorced seven
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at an old drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.His wife asks, “Do you know her?”“Yes,” sighs the husband.“She's my ex-wife.She took to drinking right after we divorced seven
11.
Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving.
They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power.
But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.
Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves.
Their hearts
Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving.
They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power.
But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.
Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves.
Their hearts
12.
A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire.
The fire was more than the county fire department could handle.
Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called.
Despite some doub
A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire.
The fire was more than the county fire department could handle.
Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called.
Despite some doub
13.
A fox sneaked into a farm and grabbed a prize rooster.
The farmer saw him and raised the alarm and he and his dogs started chasing the thief.
The fox, though he was holding the rooster in his mouth, was running very fast.
“Get him! Get him!” shou
A fox sneaked into a farm and grabbed a prize rooster.
The farmer saw him and raised the alarm and he and his dogs started chasing the thief.
The fox, though he was holding the rooster in his mouth, was running very fast.
“Get him! Get him!” shou
14.
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed.
As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said,
“I
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed.
As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said,
“I
15.
He asks him what happened.His friends says, “Well I was in church and…”The man interrupts “Church! How do you get hurt in church?”The friend continues, “Well, I was sitting behind this woman Angelina, and after a while, what with all the standing, sitting
He asks him what happened.His friends says, “Well I was in church and…”The man interrupts “Church! How do you get hurt in church?”The friend continues, “Well, I was sitting behind this woman Angelina, and after a while, what with all the standing, sitting
16.
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer.“If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.”“It's in the judge's hands now,” said the lawyer.“Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?”“Oh no! This judge is a stickler or
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer.“If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.”“It's in the judge's hands now,” said the lawyer.“Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?”“Oh no! This judge is a stickler or
17.
A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims,“An enemy ship is approaching us!”The captain replies calmly, “Go get my red shirt.”The soldier gets the shirt for the captain.The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of
A Spanish captain was walking on his ship when a soldier rushes to him and exclaims,“An enemy ship is approaching us!”The captain replies calmly, “Go get my red shirt.”The soldier gets the shirt for the captain.The enemy ship comes in and heavy rounds of
18.
A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist.
He says to his friend, “That’s amazing.
How did you get that?” The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish
. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smo
A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist.
He says to his friend, “That’s amazing.
How did you get that?” The man pulls out a bottle and tells him to rub it and make a wish
. He rubs the bottle, and a puff of smo
19.
Johnny’s dad told Johnny to take a shower.
“I’m scared, can I take a shower with you?” Johnny said.
“No, son, that would be weird,” his father replied.
“Please?” he cried.
“Okay, okay, but just don’t look down..”
Johnny, being the curious b
Johnny’s dad told Johnny to take a shower.
“I’m scared, can I take a shower with you?” Johnny said.
“No, son, that would be weird,” his father replied.
“Please?” he cried.
“Okay, okay, but just don’t look down..”
Johnny, being the curious b
20.
… noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor.The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget.They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream
… noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor.The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget.They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream
21.
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood
22.
A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets a call on his mobile phone and as he listens to the call he starts grinning from ear to ear.
Once he disconnects he shouts to the barman that he wants to buy everyone in the bar a drink.<
A Queenslander is drinking in a West Australian Pub when he gets a call on his mobile phone and as he listens to the call he starts grinning from ear to ear.
Once he disconnects he shouts to the barman that he wants to buy everyone in the bar a drink.<
23.
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower g
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower g
24.
Ted comes home blackout drunk, as he does most nights.
With his eyes barely open, he misses his friend Carl in bed with his wife. He lies down and instantly passes out.
Carl panics and tries to run but the wife stops him and whispers: “Don’t go, thi
Ted comes home blackout drunk, as he does most nights.
With his eyes barely open, he misses his friend Carl in bed with his wife. He lies down and instantly passes out.
Carl panics and tries to run but the wife stops him and whispers: “Don’t go, thi
25.
A Vicar goes to the dentist for a set of false teethThe first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.The congregation
A Vicar goes to the dentist for a set of false teethThe first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.The congregation
26.
Doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up,helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed
Doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up,helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed
27.
If you let me touch your wife’s ass and smack it, i will pay you $100,000 says a guy to his best friend.
His friend gets furious and asks him to mind what he is saying.
Later in the evening the best friend tells this incident to his wife, and she go
If you let me touch your wife’s ass and smack it, i will pay you $100,000 says a guy to his best friend.
His friend gets furious and asks him to mind what he is saying.
Later in the evening the best friend tells this incident to his wife, and she go
28.
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.He had a large pond in the back.It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.One evening the old farme
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.He had a large pond in the back.It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.One evening the old farme
29.
A young man walks into a supermarket and buys a bar of soap, a toothbrush, toothpaste,a loaf of bread, a container of milk, two boxes of cereal and a frozen dinner.The girl at the cash register looks at him and says “Single, huh?”The man replies very sarc
A young man walks into a supermarket and buys a bar of soap, a toothbrush, toothpaste,a loaf of bread, a container of milk, two boxes of cereal and a frozen dinner.The girl at the cash register looks at him and says “Single, huh?”The man replies very sarc
30.
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each yearIf he didn't speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady.He refrained from speaking for two whole ye
A prince was put under a spell so that he could speak only one word each yearIf he didn't speak for two years, the following year he could speak two words and so on.One day, he fell in love with a beautiful lady.He refrained from speaking for two whole ye
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Eng Jokes