1.
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down.
You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as priests.
So what els
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down.
You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as priests.
So what els
2.
Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down.So he rushes round to the presbytery to fe
Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up.He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it's a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down.So he rushes round to the presbytery to fe
3.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.Before she says a word, B
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.Before she says a word, B
4.
Judge: Why do you want divorce?Petitioner: My wife asks me to peel off garlic, cut onions, wash utensils.Judge: What's the problem in this? Just warm up the Garlic, it will be easy to peel it.Before cutting Onions just chill them in the refrigerator and t
Judge: Why do you want divorce?Petitioner: My wife asks me to peel off garlic, cut onions, wash utensils.Judge: What's the problem in this? Just warm up the Garlic, it will be easy to peel it.Before cutting Onions just chill them in the refrigerator and t
5.
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
The bartender said, “You can't bring that monkey in here!”The man said, “Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble.”Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball.The bartender yelled, “Hey, he just ate my cue ballNo one can p
6.
Three old ladies – Gertrude, Maude and Tilly – were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation.Suddenly, a handsome young man dressed only in a trench coat approached them from across the parkHe was holding his coat together with his hands and di
Three old ladies – Gertrude, Maude and Tilly – were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation.Suddenly, a handsome young man dressed only in a trench coat approached them from across the parkHe was holding his coat together with his hands and di
7.
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning.The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasp
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning.The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasp
8.
When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports.Every day, they find nothingAnd yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in the tea houses or resta
When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports.Every day, they find nothingAnd yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in the tea houses or resta
9.
The bartender says, “Let me see and I'll consider it.”So the guy reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano and a hamster. The hamster sits in front of the piano and starts playing. And not just banging out “Chopsticks”, the hamster is plays C
The bartender says, “Let me see and I'll consider it.”So the guy reaches into his bag and pulls out a miniature piano and a hamster. The hamster sits in front of the piano and starts playing. And not just banging out “Chopsticks”, the hamster is plays C
10.
A generous king once ruled in the land of AndhraEvery day two beggars used to come to him for alms and he always gave them food and money.On receiving the alms one of them, the older one, used to say: “God provides.” The other beggar, the younger of the t
A generous king once ruled in the land of AndhraEvery day two beggars used to come to him for alms and he always gave them food and money.On receiving the alms one of them, the older one, used to say: “God provides.” The other beggar, the younger of the t
11.
An American on vacation in Paris is having breakfast at a cafe one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him.The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
An American on vacation in Paris is having breakfast at a cafe one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him.The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
12.
Note: We love both dogs and cats, this is just in jest!
1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.
2. Cats look silly on a leash.
3. When you come home from work, your dog will be
Note: We love both dogs and cats, this is just in jest!
1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.
2. Cats look silly on a leash.
3. When you come home from work, your dog will be
13.
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.One woman said, “I call my husband the dentistNobody can drill like he does.”The second woman giggled and confessed, “I call my husband the miner because of his
Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.One woman said, “I call my husband the dentistNobody can drill like he does.”The second woman giggled and confessed, “I call my husband the miner because of his
14.
A Florida officer pulls over an eighty-six-year-old blonde woman because her hand signals were confusing.
“First you put your hand up, like you’re turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left,” said the officer.
“I decided
A Florida officer pulls over an eighty-six-year-old blonde woman because her hand signals were confusing.
“First you put your hand up, like you’re turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left,” said the officer.
“I decided
15.
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect.
They end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy b
A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect.
They end up leaving together.
They get back to his place, and he shows her around his apartment.
She notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy b
16.
An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations.
He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the l
An atheist became incensed over Christmas holiday preparations.
He filed a lawsuit about the constant celebrations given to Christians and Jews while atheists had no holiday to celebrate.
The case was brought before a judge. After listening to the l
17.
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee.His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly.“That's it! No butte
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee.His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly.“That's it! No butte
18.
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.“I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menuJust bring me a dirty fork from a previous customerI'll smell it and
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.“I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menuJust bring me a dirty fork from a previous customerI'll smell it and
19.
As he sat down, the waitress came over and asked for their orders.The man said, “I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke.”Then he turned to the ostrich and asked, “What's yours?”“I'll have the same,” said the ostrich.A short time later the waitress return
As he sat down, the waitress came over and asked for their orders.The man said, “I'll have a hamburger, fries and a coke.”Then he turned to the ostrich and asked, “What's yours?”“I'll have the same,” said the ostrich.A short time later the waitress return
20.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit on the bus.After hearing about the predicament, the blind man lets the children get on instead of him.The wife asks
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit on the bus.After hearing about the predicament, the blind man lets the children get on instead of him.The wife asks
21.
Paddy bought a camel from a farmer for $100.The farmer agreed to deliver the camel the next day.In the morning he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news.The camel's died.'Paddy replied, ‘Well just give me my money back then.'The farmer sa
Paddy bought a camel from a farmer for $100.The farmer agreed to deliver the camel the next day.In the morning he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news.The camel's died.'Paddy replied, ‘Well just give me my money back then.'The farmer sa
22.
Doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up,helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed
Doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up,helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed
23.
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl.
The young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.”
The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl.
The young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.”
The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl
24.
Help In The OfficeA new employee stands before a paper shredder looking confused.“Need some help?” a secretary asks.“Yes,” replies the newcomer“How does this thing work?”“Simple,” she says, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shred
Help In The OfficeA new employee stands before a paper shredder looking confused.“Need some help?” a secretary asks.“Yes,” replies the newcomer“How does this thing work?”“Simple,” she says, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shred
25.
Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state trooper pulls them over.
The trooper walks up to the drivers side of the car, gets out his billy club and smacks the driver across the face.
Stunned, the driver asks, “Why did you do that??”
The tr
Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state trooper pulls them over.
The trooper walks up to the drivers side of the car, gets out his billy club and smacks the driver across the face.
Stunned, the driver asks, “Why did you do that??”
The tr
26.
Three engineers are riding in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly the car stalls and stops by the side of the road.
The three engineers look at each other with bewilderment, wondering what could be
Three engineers are riding in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly the car stalls and stops by the side of the road.
The three engineers look at each other with bewilderment, wondering what could be
27.
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying a bill,
so he asked his BLONDE secretary for some mathematical help.
“If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14% how much would you take off?” he asked her.
The secretary replied, “Everything but
The owner of a golf course was confused about paying a bill,
so he asked his BLONDE secretary for some mathematical help.
“If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14% how much would you take off?” he asked her.
The secretary replied, “Everything but
28.
Saint Peter asks, Tell me what the purpose of Easter is“They're not very smart, but they're nice, and I'm not sure whether to let them in or not.”God says, “Well we do have standards here. Ask them some simple questions, if they get them right, let them
Saint Peter asks, Tell me what the purpose of Easter is“They're not very smart, but they're nice, and I'm not sure whether to let them in or not.”God says, “Well we do have standards here. Ask them some simple questions, if they get them right, let them
29.
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait.
Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm.
The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.
Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait.
Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm.
The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.
30.
The villagers were delighted.A sadhu who performed miracles, had come to their village.Every morning and evening they would gather at the temple with specially prepared delicacies as offerings to the sadhu.When Tenali Rama heard of this, he smelt a rat.He
The villagers were delighted.A sadhu who performed miracles, had come to their village.Every morning and evening they would gather at the temple with specially prepared delicacies as offerings to the sadhu.When Tenali Rama heard of this, he smelt a rat.He
Tags:
Eng Jokes