1.
Three brothers each marry a woman.The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.” He didn't see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and
Three brothers each marry a woman.The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.” He didn't see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and
2.
Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back country.As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.I finally
Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the back country.As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost.I finally
3.
A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body
A married couple got into an accident and the husband's face was badly burnedThe doctor told him that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinnySo the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.However, the only skin on her body
4.
A bus driver was plying his regular driving route when an old lady got on the bus and sat behind the driver,
For every ten minutes into the ride, She kept asking the driver a question.
The first ten minutes into the ride, the old woman piped up and
A bus driver was plying his regular driving route when an old lady got on the bus and sat behind the driver,
For every ten minutes into the ride, She kept asking the driver a question.
The first ten minutes into the ride, the old woman piped up and
5.
A married couple are out one night at a dance club.There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.The wife turns to her husband and says,“See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me and I turned h
A married couple are out one night at a dance club.There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works.The wife turns to her husband and says,“See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me and I turned h
6.
A retired Italian wine maker went to the village church to make his confession for the first time in many decades.When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, “Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and
A retired Italian wine maker went to the village church to make his confession for the first time in many decades.When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, “Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and
7.
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower g
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower g
8.
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle,
bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself,
“What if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break”.
So, I drank all the S
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle,
bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself,
“What if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break”.
So, I drank all the S
9.
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the fieldThe situation looked hopel
On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the fieldThe situation looked hopel
10.
Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.
When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
We will do that for you, said one of the younger men.
But do you mind if it passes t
Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.
When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
We will do that for you, said one of the younger men.
But do you mind if it passes t
11.
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.The letter read: “Dear God, I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pensionYesterday someone stole my purseIt
One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.The letter read: “Dear God, I am an 83-year-old widow, living on a very small pensionYesterday someone stole my purseIt
12.
An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery.The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves.He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those bunsThe owner didn't even see me.”“That's just simple thievery
An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery.The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves.He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those bunsThe owner didn't even see me.”“That's just simple thievery
13.
The villagers were delighted.A sadhu who performed miracles, had come to their village.Every morning and evening they would gather at the temple with specially prepared delicacies as offerings to the sadhu.When Tenali Rama heard of this, he smelt a rat.He
The villagers were delighted.A sadhu who performed miracles, had come to their village.Every morning and evening they would gather at the temple with specially prepared delicacies as offerings to the sadhu.When Tenali Rama heard of this, he smelt a rat.He
14.
A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.“I got my first impression
A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.“I got my first impression
15.
So he goes to the computer and realizes that an engineer accidentally landed up in hell.He get's on the phone to the Devil.StPeter: “So, Dev, we have an issue with this engineering guy Robert. He is supposed to be with us. Can you send him up?”Devil: “
So he goes to the computer and realizes that an engineer accidentally landed up in hell.He get's on the phone to the Devil.StPeter: “So, Dev, we have an issue with this engineering guy Robert. He is supposed to be with us. Can you send him up?”Devil: “
16.
As MrSmith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him.He called for the three men he trusted most, his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman.MrSmith told them, “I'm
As MrSmith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him.He called for the three men he trusted most, his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman.MrSmith told them, “I'm
17.
The new preacher moves his things into his new office and comes across the former pastor, taking his items out. The former pastor says, “I left three envelopes in your desk. If you have any trouble, open them.” Well, of course the new preacher thinks he
The new preacher moves his things into his new office and comes across the former pastor, taking his items out. The former pastor says, “I left three envelopes in your desk. If you have any trouble, open them.” Well, of course the new preacher thinks he
18.
A man lives in a highrise on the 15th floor.
Every morning, on the way to work, he takes the elevator all the way down to the 1st floor.
But when he comes home, he takes the elevator to the 8th floor and walks the rest of the way up.
The only exc
A man lives in a highrise on the 15th floor.
Every morning, on the way to work, he takes the elevator all the way down to the 1st floor.
But when he comes home, he takes the elevator to the 8th floor and walks the rest of the way up.
The only exc
19.
Two old women are walking down the street smoking, when it begins to rain.The first woman takes out a condom from her handbag, cuts off the tip and puts it over her cigarette.The second woman asked her what it was and the first woman said, “It's a condomY
Two old women are walking down the street smoking, when it begins to rain.The first woman takes out a condom from her handbag, cuts off the tip and puts it over her cigarette.The second woman asked her what it was and the first woman said, “It's a condomY
20.
A class of 3rd graders return from their field trip to the farm and the teacher asks them,
“What kind of noises did you hear at the farm?”
The first kid raises his hand and says,
“I heard the cow go moo!”
The second kid raises his hand and say
A class of 3rd graders return from their field trip to the farm and the teacher asks them,
“What kind of noises did you hear at the farm?”
The first kid raises his hand and says,
“I heard the cow go moo!”
The second kid raises his hand and say
21.
Unfortunately the bus got cancelled, so he had to call a cab.While sitting in the cab, he noticed that the driver missed a turn in an intersection.The man carefully tapped the driver on his shoulder and said, “Sorry Sir, but…”The driver screamed, “AAAAAAH
Unfortunately the bus got cancelled, so he had to call a cab.While sitting in the cab, he noticed that the driver missed a turn in an intersection.The man carefully tapped the driver on his shoulder and said, “Sorry Sir, but…”The driver screamed, “AAAAAAH
22.
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
23.
In the piece, there's a long passage of about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do.Rather than sit around that whole time, some bass players decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.After slamming
In the piece, there's a long passage of about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do.Rather than sit around that whole time, some bass players decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.After slamming
24.
The old beady-eyed moderator in charge of the classroom stared towards the clock at the end of the room as the students furiously scribbled down the remainder of their answers, knowing that time was almost up.Minutes later, the clock struck a new hour and
The old beady-eyed moderator in charge of the classroom stared towards the clock at the end of the room as the students furiously scribbled down the remainder of their answers, knowing that time was almost up.Minutes later, the clock struck a new hour and
25.
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get so stressed that little things seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it – he was a dwarf!
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get so stressed that little things seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it – he was a dwarf!
26.
Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.As the last attenders left, Sam's wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased.”“I'm sure you're right,” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lo
Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.As the last attenders left, Sam's wife Rose turned to her oldest friend Sadie and said: “Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased.”“I'm sure you're right,” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lo
27.
A couple of guys from West Virginia are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground.He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his headThe other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.He gasps to the operator, “Bubb
A couple of guys from West Virginia are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground.He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his headThe other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.He gasps to the operator, “Bubb
28.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
29.
* Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooksThe other half will come out with a drinking problem.* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of FortuneNow I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.* I need to practice social-
* Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooksThe other half will come out with a drinking problem.* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of FortuneNow I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.* I need to practice social-
30.
Bill Gates goes to purgatory.
St. Peter says, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things.
Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go”.
First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women
Bill Gates goes to purgatory.
St. Peter says, “Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things.
Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go”.
First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women
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