1.
The detective walks around the scene and writes in his little bookThey turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush.They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked.They call the police and as they wait, they dec
The detective walks around the scene and writes in his little bookThey turn a corner and see a pair of legs sticking out from behind a bush.They push the bush aside and find a woman dead and completely naked.They call the police and as they wait, they dec
2.
The young man says to his date, “I really like the perfume you're wearingWhat's it called?”The young lady looks puzzled for a minute then searches through her purse, finally dumping the contents on the table between them.She searches through the pile and
The young man says to his date, “I really like the perfume you're wearingWhat's it called?”The young lady looks puzzled for a minute then searches through her purse, finally dumping the contents on the table between them.She searches through the pile and
3.
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but it had always been occupied.
A nurse noticed his predicament. “Sir,” she said “You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons o
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but it had always been occupied.
A nurse noticed his predicament. “Sir,” she said “You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons o
4.
An old man is eating his lunch in a restaurant when three bikers walk up to him.They make fun of him for being old, and then one of them stubs his cigarette into the truck driver's food.Another spits in the truck driver's milk.The last one smashes the tru
An old man is eating his lunch in a restaurant when three bikers walk up to him.They make fun of him for being old, and then one of them stubs his cigarette into the truck driver's food.Another spits in the truck driver's milk.The last one smashes the tru
5.
So I called Joseph, the 14 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.Joseph clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?”He replied, “It w
So I called Joseph, the 14 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.Joseph clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?”He replied, “It w
6.
A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?”
The mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made..”
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question..
The father answered, “
A little girl asked her mother, “How did the human race appear?”
The mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made..”
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question..
The father answered, “
7.
Phil goes to Europe and leaves his favorite dog with his brother JamesWhile in Europe, Phil calls James to check on his dog and asks, “So James, how's my favorite dog doing?”James very tersely replies, “Your dog is dead.”“What?” says Phil“You can't just t
Phil goes to Europe and leaves his favorite dog with his brother JamesWhile in Europe, Phil calls James to check on his dog and asks, “So James, how's my favorite dog doing?”James very tersely replies, “Your dog is dead.”“What?” says Phil“You can't just t
8.
An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.
The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made.
“This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly th
An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.
The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made.
“This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly th
9.
An old couple, Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad newsOur engines have
An old couple, Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad newsOur engines have
10.
It was a long day at work, and George decided to leave his London office and walk to the pub across the street to get a few drinks.
The rain was pouring as he stepped out, and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
As he crossed the street, he
It was a long day at work, and George decided to leave his London office and walk to the pub across the street to get a few drinks.
The rain was pouring as he stepped out, and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
As he crossed the street, he
11.
A water bearer in India had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk
A water bearer in India had two large pots, one hung on each end of a pole which he carried across his neck.
One of the pots had a crack in it, and while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water at the end of the long walk
12.
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to town in search of one in her size.
She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie,
“Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?”
The clerk haughtily re
A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to town in search of one in her size.
She entered an upscale department store and approached the saleslady in lingerie,
“Do you have a size 28AAAA bra?”
The clerk haughtily re
13.
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”Bob's wife goes out a
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”Bob's wife goes out a
14.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course,
I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean.
Then I realized that Matty had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him, and he said, “No.”
I kept thinking, “Oh Lo
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course,
I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean.
Then I realized that Matty had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him, and he said, “No.”
I kept thinking, “Oh Lo
15.
An elderly couple who had just celebrated their fiftieth anniversary were sitting on their porch, relaxing.
Both were simply reading a book and rocking on their chairs.
When suddenly, the wife looks at her husband and whacks him across the head, and
An elderly couple who had just celebrated their fiftieth anniversary were sitting on their porch, relaxing.
Both were simply reading a book and rocking on their chairs.
When suddenly, the wife looks at her husband and whacks him across the head, and
16.
No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words.
In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winne
No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words.
In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winne
17.
Three men are sitting on a park bench, enjoying the weather and bragging about their wives.Saw nothing the first day.The first man, tool, married a woman from Kentucky, and told her in no uncertain terms:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be
Three men are sitting on a park bench, enjoying the weather and bragging about their wives.Saw nothing the first day.The first man, tool, married a woman from Kentucky, and told her in no uncertain terms:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be
18.
An eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination whereupon the doctor said “You are in fine shape for your age.. but tell me.. do you still have intercourse?” “Just a minute .. I’ll have to ask my husband,” she said.
She went out
An eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical examination whereupon the doctor said “You are in fine shape for your age.. but tell me.. do you still have intercourse?” “Just a minute .. I’ll have to ask my husband,” she said.
She went out
19.
A man was walking down the beach when he found a bottle.
He picks up the bottle, and a genie comes out.
The genie says that he will grant him one wish.
“Well, I’d like to go to Hawaii.
But, I’m afraid of flying and I don’t like the idea of goi
A man was walking down the beach when he found a bottle.
He picks up the bottle, and a genie comes out.
The genie says that he will grant him one wish.
“Well, I’d like to go to Hawaii.
But, I’m afraid of flying and I don’t like the idea of goi
20.
Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years.
Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives.
Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment.
“I’ve got a wife and three kids an
Pete and Larry had not seen each other in many years.
Now they had a long talk trying to fill in the gap of those years by telling about their lives.
Finally Pete invited Larry to visit him in his new apartment.
“I’ve got a wife and three kids an
21.
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical.
After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Many years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they wer
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical.
After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Many years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they wer
22.
She started thinking about her grandparents… but what about her grandparents' parents? And their parents?Thoughtfully, she asked her mother, “Mom, where do people come from? I mean, does everyone have parents?”Her mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve a
She started thinking about her grandparents… but what about her grandparents' parents? And their parents?Thoughtfully, she asked her mother, “Mom, where do people come from? I mean, does everyone have parents?”Her mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve a
23.
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog
24.
Two men are flying in a captive balloon.The wind is ugly and they come away from their course and they have no idea where they are.So they go down to 15 m above ground and ask a passing wanderer“Could you tell us where we are?”“You are in a balloon.”So th
Two men are flying in a captive balloon.The wind is ugly and they come away from their course and they have no idea where they are.So they go down to 15 m above ground and ask a passing wanderer“Could you tell us where we are?”“You are in a balloon.”So th
25.
We are already 2 years together with my girlfriend and decided to get married.My parents helped as much as they could and all my my friends said it's a really good idea!My girlfriend?She is a dream!But there is something that bothers me! This something is
We are already 2 years together with my girlfriend and decided to get married.My parents helped as much as they could and all my my friends said it's a really good idea!My girlfriend?She is a dream!But there is something that bothers me! This something is
26.
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty.He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when a loud cried out:“Jesus is watching you.”Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.“Jes
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty.He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly froze in his tracks when a loud cried out:“Jesus is watching you.”Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.“Jes
27.
A young man buys a chicken farm out in the country.He doesn't know much about chickens, So he decides to go consult with some of the locals.He finds an old farmer and asks if he might be able to give him some pointers.The old farmer tells him “sure, meet
A young man buys a chicken farm out in the country.He doesn't know much about chickens, So he decides to go consult with some of the locals.He finds an old farmer and asks if he might be able to give him some pointers.The old farmer tells him “sure, meet
28.
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the Yellow head for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blu
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on the Yellow head for a nice evening drive.
The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blu
29.
Seated in the Yankee Stadium bleachers, he watched as a man swung a stick, hit a ball and started toward a white bag down the line.Everyone stood up and yelled, “Run, run!”Then a second guy came up to the plate, whacked the ball and started down toward th
Seated in the Yankee Stadium bleachers, he watched as a man swung a stick, hit a ball and started toward a white bag down the line.Everyone stood up and yelled, “Run, run!”Then a second guy came up to the plate, whacked the ball and started down toward th
30.
Two men are out huntingOne of them goes into the bushes to take a leak.A few moments later, there's a scream.The man's buddy runs up.”What happened to you?” the buddy asks.“A snake bit me in the privates!” he answers, pointing to said snake, kicked to dea
Two men are out huntingOne of them goes into the bushes to take a leak.A few moments later, there's a scream.The man's buddy runs up.”What happened to you?” the buddy asks.“A snake bit me in the privates!” he answers, pointing to said snake, kicked to dea
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Eng Jokes