1.
While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.One of the hillbillies looks at her
While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.One of the hillbillies looks at her
2.
An elderly man travelling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility.
But each time he tried, it was occupied.
The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant’s ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any o
An elderly man travelling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility.
But each time he tried, it was occupied.
The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant’s ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any o
3.
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north.The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read.One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap.The wife decided to take the
A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort up north.The husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn; the wife preferred to read.One morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a short nap.The wife decided to take the
4.
After 37 years of marriage Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed.He gave Edith his now ex-wife ju
After 37 years of marriage Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed.He gave Edith his now ex-wife ju
5.
A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed.They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk homeOn the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.He t
A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed.They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk homeOn the way home he stopped at the hardware Store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint.He t
6.
Late in the night, Jim, a Marine, finally regained consciousness.He was in hospital, in agonizing pain.He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his mouth, needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a gorge
Late in the night, Jim, a Marine, finally regained consciousness.He was in hospital, in agonizing pain.He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his mouth, needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a gorge
7.
One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical compan
One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical compan
8.
My uncle Jim is getting older, and he’s having trouble with his memory.
So he went to his doctor, and he started taking these pills to help his memory.
“Hey Uncle Jim,” I said, “what are those memory pills you’re taking called?” “Ahhhh…um….hmmm” he
My uncle Jim is getting older, and he’s having trouble with his memory.
So he went to his doctor, and he started taking these pills to help his memory.
“Hey Uncle Jim,” I said, “what are those memory pills you’re taking called?” “Ahhhh…um….hmmm” he
9.
A travelling salesman was passing through the countryside and stopped at a farm asking for some cool water.
The old farmer’s wife invited him to sit in the shade of the porch with her and got him some cold lemonade.
They sat and talked for a while w
A travelling salesman was passing through the countryside and stopped at a farm asking for some cool water.
The old farmer’s wife invited him to sit in the shade of the porch with her and got him some cold lemonade.
They sat and talked for a while w
10.
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children.
ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular
ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:
Warning keep out of children.
ON A HAIR DRYER:
Do not use while sleeping.
ON A BAG OF FRITOS:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:
Directions: Use like regular
11.
A little lizard is walking through the Australian bush when a voice calls“Hey lizard”The lizard looks up and perched in the tree is a koala smoking a joint.“Come on up and join me in a joint”So the lizard climbs the tree and the koala rolls him a joint an
A little lizard is walking through the Australian bush when a voice calls“Hey lizard”The lizard looks up and perched in the tree is a koala smoking a joint.“Come on up and join me in a joint”So the lizard climbs the tree and the koala rolls him a joint an
12.
A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup. However, the customer notices that something is wrong. So he calls the waiter over.
“Can you please taste the soup?”
“What’s wrong with the soup?”
“Just taste it.”
“Why?”
“Just taste it.”
A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup. However, the customer notices that something is wrong. So he calls the waiter over.
“Can you please taste the soup?”
“What’s wrong with the soup?”
“Just taste it.”
“Why?”
“Just taste it.”
13.
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”Bob's wife goes out a
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, “We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through.”Bob's wife goes out a
14.
Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.Ma says,“Why don't you go ask the young
Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole.Ma says,“Why don't you go ask the young
15.
An Irish painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown in County Clare, to get him to paint t
An Irish painter by the name of Murphy, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist.Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Miltown in County Clare, to get him to paint t
16.
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail timeI want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of d
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.The judge says, “You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail timeI want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of d
17.
A young couple with a box of c*ndoms proceeded to do the wild thing.
When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six c*ndoms remaining in the box of 12,
so she asked him,
“What happened to the other five condoms?”
His nervous
A young couple with a box of c*ndoms proceeded to do the wild thing.
When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six c*ndoms remaining in the box of 12,
so she asked him,
“What happened to the other five condoms?”
His nervous
18.
An Italian woman was leaving a convenience store with her espresso when she noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery:A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.Behind th
An Italian woman was leaving a convenience store with her espresso when she noticed a most unusual Italian funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery:A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.Behind th
19.
Pam and Kate are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain.
Pam pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
“What in the heck is that?” asks Kate.
“A condom”, repli
Pam and Kate are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain.
Pam pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
“What in the heck is that?” asks Kate.
“A condom”, repli
20.
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.“So, what is it?” grumbled the governor.“Judge Garber has just died” said the att
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.“So, what is it?” grumbled the governor.“Judge Garber has just died” said the att
21.
A Midwest farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks.“One of the benefits of this profession,” he explained, “is that we have built-in weather predictions.”“What do you mean by that?” asked one inquisitive visitor.“When the cows
A Midwest farmer was describing his lifestyle to a touring group of city folks.“One of the benefits of this profession,” he explained, “is that we have built-in weather predictions.”“What do you mean by that?” asked one inquisitive visitor.“When the cows
22.
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.
The man’s tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.
He opened his newspaper and
23.
A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire.
The fire was more than the county fire department could handle.
Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called.
Despite some doub
A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire.
The fire was more than the county fire department could handle.
Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called.
Despite some doub
24.
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house a woman complains, “I've be
A young doctor moved out to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring.The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.At the first house a woman complains, “I've be
25.
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the doorHe rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the morning“I'm not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over.Then, a louder knock follows“Aren't yo
26.
A recently divorced man, heartbroken and down on his luck, comes across a magical genie lampThinking his luck has finally changed, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie.“I am an all and powerful genieYou get three wishes, but I must tell you in advance, a
A recently divorced man, heartbroken and down on his luck, comes across a magical genie lampThinking his luck has finally changed, he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie.“I am an all and powerful genieYou get three wishes, but I must tell you in advance, a
27.
A bus driver was plying his regular driving route when an old lady got on the bus and sat behind the driver,
For every ten minutes into the ride, She kept asking the driver a question.
The first ten minutes into the ride, the old woman piped up and
A bus driver was plying his regular driving route when an old lady got on the bus and sat behind the driver,
For every ten minutes into the ride, She kept asking the driver a question.
The first ten minutes into the ride, the old woman piped up and
28.
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other.
The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without t
A couple returns from their honeymoon refusing to speak to each other.
The groom’s best friend takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I put a $50 bill on the pillow without t
29.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
30.
While showing off his new apartment to friends one night, a drunk man led the way to his bedroom where there was a huge clock on the wall with a big brass gong.“What's that brass gong for?” asked one of the guests.“Why, that's the talking clock,” the man
While showing off his new apartment to friends one night, a drunk man led the way to his bedroom where there was a huge clock on the wall with a big brass gong.“What's that brass gong for?” asked one of the guests.“Why, that's the talking clock,” the man
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Eng Jokes