1.
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computersHe dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered: “Hello?”Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computersHe dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered: “Hello?”Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having
2.
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each…The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.The man bought thousands at $10
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each…The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest and started catching them.The man bought thousands at $10
3.
This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off,“A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times l
This couple go to an agricultural show way out in the countryside a fine Sunday afternoon and are watching the auctioning off of bulls.The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off,“A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 57 times l
4.
A poor boy was in love with a rich man’s daughter. Overcome with his love for the girl, the boy proposed to her.
However, the rich girl derisively rejected him and said, “Your monthly salary is equivalent to my daily expenses. How do you expect me to m
A poor boy was in love with a rich man’s daughter. Overcome with his love for the girl, the boy proposed to her.
However, the rich girl derisively rejected him and said, “Your monthly salary is equivalent to my daily expenses. How do you expect me to m
5.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the girlsI told Jerry that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the Bacardis went down way too easily.Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for homeJust as I got in the doo
The other night I was invited out for a night with the girlsI told Jerry that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!' Well, the hours passed and the Bacardis went down way too easily.Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for homeJust as I got in the doo
6.
A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.However, he was delayed, so the pries
A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.However, he was delayed, so the pries
7.
Young boy gets suspended from school.
His mother was furious, and yelled ” “What did you do this time?!”
The boy said all I did was tell a joke.
He said he told the joke to his friends in class, and they laughed so hard they pooped their pants.
Young boy gets suspended from school.
His mother was furious, and yelled ” “What did you do this time?!”
The boy said all I did was tell a joke.
He said he told the joke to his friends in class, and they laughed so hard they pooped their pants.
8.
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below.He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me?I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know
A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost.He reduces his altitude and spots a man down below.He lowers the balloon further and shouts: “Excuse me, can you help me?I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know
9.
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve.She could not print yellow.All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the on
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve.She could not print yellow.All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the on
10.
Father told his 3 sons when he sent them to the university: “I feel it is my duty to provide you with the best education possible, and you do not owe me anything for providing that.However, I want you to appreciate itAs a token, I want each of you to put
Father told his 3 sons when he sent them to the university: “I feel it is my duty to provide you with the best education possible, and you do not owe me anything for providing that.However, I want you to appreciate itAs a token, I want each of you to put
11.
This is what all of you 70+ year old's have to look forward to:This is something that happened in an Aged Care CentreThe people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central Cafeteria.One morning, one of the residents didn't show up
This is what all of you 70+ year old's have to look forward to:This is something that happened in an Aged Care CentreThe people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central Cafeteria.One morning, one of the residents didn't show up
12.
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery,
and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervo
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery,
and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervo
13.
A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plantA store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area.However, little did B
A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plantA store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area.However, little did B
14.
… so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little.Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and music starts playing!“… On the road again, just can't wait to g
… so he decides to go down to the morgue after class and practice a little.Well, he uncovers the first guy and there is a cork in his butt! He thinks it's a little strange, so he pulls it and music starts playing!“… On the road again, just can't wait to g
15.
A mother sees her son watching television and says,
“Jimmy! I thought I told you to do the dishes after you do your homework!
Why are you watching television?”
Jimmy replies, “It’s okay, Mom! I haven’t done my homework yet.”
A mother sees her son watching television and says,
“Jimmy! I thought I told you to do the dishes after you do your homework!
Why are you watching television?”
Jimmy replies, “It’s okay, Mom! I haven’t done my homework yet.”
16.
An arab and his wife are at mid point on a long trek across the desert when suddenly their camel sits down and refuses to get up.The arab beats it with his stick, pulls with all his strength on the reins, swears at it, and invokes Allah's help. All to no
An arab and his wife are at mid point on a long trek across the desert when suddenly their camel sits down and refuses to get up.The arab beats it with his stick, pulls with all his strength on the reins, swears at it, and invokes Allah's help. All to no
17.
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65-year-old woman has a baby.All of her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.When they ask to see the baby, the new mom says, “Not yet!” A little later, they ask to see the baby agai
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65-year-old woman has a baby.All of her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.When they ask to see the baby, the new mom says, “Not yet!” A little later, they ask to see the baby agai
18.
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.The lawyer replied,“Remember that lousy real estate I bought?Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceedsWhat are you doing here?”The
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.The lawyer replied,“Remember that lousy real estate I bought?Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceedsWhat are you doing here?”The
19.
While teaching religion class one morning Sister Bridgette was speaking to her 3rd-grade class and she asked the question, “When you die and go to heaven… which part of your body goes first?Suzy raised her hand and said, “I think it's your hands.”“Why d
While teaching religion class one morning Sister Bridgette was speaking to her 3rd-grade class and she asked the question, “When you die and go to heaven… which part of your body goes first?Suzy raised her hand and said, “I think it's your hands.”“Why d
20.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.Before she says a word, B
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.Before she says a word, B
21.
If you let me touch your wife’s ass and smack it, i will pay you $100,000 says a guy to his best friend.
His friend gets furious and asks him to mind what he is saying.
Later in the evening the best friend tells this incident to his wife, and she go
If you let me touch your wife’s ass and smack it, i will pay you $100,000 says a guy to his best friend.
His friend gets furious and asks him to mind what he is saying.
Later in the evening the best friend tells this incident to his wife, and she go
22.
An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money.She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money After many lengthy discussion
An elderly woman walked into the Royal Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money.She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money After many lengthy discussion
23.
Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip when they came upon this great trout brook.
They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.
At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they
Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip when they came upon this great trout brook.
They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.
At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they
24.
Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch.
“Did you get that for your birthday?” asked Johnny.
“Nope,” replied Jimmy.
“Well, did you get it for Christmas then?”
Again Jimmy said, “Nope.”
“You didn’t steal it, did you?”
Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch.
“Did you get that for your birthday?” asked Johnny.
“Nope,” replied Jimmy.
“Well, did you get it for Christmas then?”
Again Jimmy said, “Nope.”
“You didn’t steal it, did you?”
25.
Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber… He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,”You died in your sleep Ralph.” Ralph was stunned.
“I’m dead?No I can’t be! I’ve got too much
Ralph came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber… He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said,”You died in your sleep Ralph.” Ralph was stunned.
“I’m dead?No I can’t be! I’ve got too much
26.
A 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying.The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it.One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remem
A 98-year-old Mother Superior from Ireland was dying.The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.They tried giving her some warm milk to drink but she refused it.One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen and remem
27.
A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends.“Oh, no!” she suddenly exclaimed“Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husbandHe'll be so annoyed if it's not ready on time.”When she got home, she opened a can of cat foo
A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends.“Oh, no!” she suddenly exclaimed“Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husbandHe'll be so annoyed if it's not ready on time.”When she got home, she opened a can of cat foo
28.
The lawyer says to his client, Bill Shorten,
“I have some good news and some bad news.”
Bill replies:
“I’ve had a bloody awful week, so let’s hear the good news first.”
The lawyer says:
“Your wife Chloe invested $20,000 in five pictures whi
The lawyer says to his client, Bill Shorten,
“I have some good news and some bad news.”
Bill replies:
“I’ve had a bloody awful week, so let’s hear the good news first.”
The lawyer says:
“Your wife Chloe invested $20,000 in five pictures whi
29.
Paddy's friend is hit by a car so he phones for an ambulance.Paddy: ‘Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broke.'Operator: ‘What's your location sir?'Paddy: ‘Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street …'O
Paddy's friend is hit by a car so he phones for an ambulance.Paddy: ‘Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broke.'Operator: ‘What's your location sir?'Paddy: ‘Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street …'O
30.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!”Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code wordSomeone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen”.This seemed to satisfy the old priest a
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!”Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code wordSomeone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen”.This seemed to satisfy the old priest a
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