1.
Dog’s Letters to God
Dear God:
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom smell one another? Where are their priorities?
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Excuse me, but why are there cars nam
Dog’s Letters to God
Dear God:
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom smell one another? Where are their priorities?
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Excuse me, but why are there cars nam
2.
A woman was pregnant with triplets when she got shot and survived…
The children came out fine and the doctor had told theit mother that the bullet would pass through each of them in around 13 years.
The children lived a happy life with their parents
A woman was pregnant with triplets when she got shot and survived…
The children came out fine and the doctor had told theit mother that the bullet would pass through each of them in around 13 years.
The children lived a happy life with their parents
3.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit on the bus.After hearing about the predicament, the blind man lets the children get on instead of him.The wife asks
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit on the bus.After hearing about the predicament, the blind man lets the children get on instead of him.The wife asks
4.
The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet.
She had been told the combination, but couldn’t quite remember it.
She went to the pastor’s study and asked for help.
The pastor came into the ro
The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet.
She had been told the combination, but couldn’t quite remember it.
She went to the pastor’s study and asked for help.
The pastor came into the ro
5.
A woman walks into the City Centralist office, trailed by 15 kids .. “WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “Are they ALL yours?”
“Yeah, they are all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says
A woman walks into the City Centralist office, trailed by 15 kids .. “WOW,” the social worker exclaims, “Are they ALL yours?”
“Yeah, they are all mine,” the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before.
She says
6.
One of the bags was ripped, and every once in awhile, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag you're dragging”.“Oh, really? Darn it!”, said the old lady “I
One of the bags was ripped, and every once in awhile, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag you're dragging”.“Oh, really? Darn it!”, said the old lady “I
7.
It was a long day at work, and George decided to leave his London office and walk to the pub across the street to get a few drinks.
The rain was pouring as he stepped out, and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
As he crossed the street, he
It was a long day at work, and George decided to leave his London office and walk to the pub across the street to get a few drinks.
The rain was pouring as he stepped out, and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
As he crossed the street, he
8.
A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the “Chicken Surprise.” The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady l
A couple goes for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and orders the “Chicken Surprise.” The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady l
9.
The owner tells him he has good news and bad news.“The good news is that a man dropped by the studio today and put in an offer to buy every single piece. He just wanted my guarantee that the works would be worth twice what he paid if you were to pass awa
The owner tells him he has good news and bad news.“The good news is that a man dropped by the studio today and put in an offer to buy every single piece. He just wanted my guarantee that the works would be worth twice what he paid if you were to pass awa
10.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall.An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room.The old
After about four minutes in the examination room, she started screaming and ran down the hall.An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.After listening, he told her to sit down and relax in another room.The old
11.
Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.
Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.
He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn’t know what to do to empty the hole.
Ma says,
“Why don’t you
Ma and Pa were two old hillbillies living out on a farm up in the hills.
Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full.
He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn’t know what to do to empty the hole.
Ma says,
“Why don’t you
12.
Three engineers are riding in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly the car stalls and stops by the side of the road.
The three engineers look at each other with bewilderment, wondering what could be
Three engineers are riding in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a Microsoft engineer.
Suddenly the car stalls and stops by the side of the road.
The three engineers look at each other with bewilderment, wondering what could be
13.
A chemistry professor wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.“Now, classObserve closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm fir
A chemistry professor wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.“Now, classObserve closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm fir
14.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, “What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?”“Well…” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director, “What is the criterion that defines a patient to be institutionalized?”“Well…” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, and we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and
15.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.“Not a chance,” says the husband, “It is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.“Who was that?” asked his wife.“Just some
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.“Not a chance,” says the husband, “It is 3:00 in the morning!” He slams the door and returns to bed.“Who was that?” asked his wife.“Just some
16.
His friends to him at coffee: “We adore your family life, you’ve got a great life with your wife and kids.
Tell us the secret of this happiness or we’ll consider you as a diffident”
“Well, i can shortly explain. After our wedding, she started riding
His friends to him at coffee: “We adore your family life, you’ve got a great life with your wife and kids.
Tell us the secret of this happiness or we’ll consider you as a diffident”
“Well, i can shortly explain. After our wedding, she started riding
17.
A mother takes her daughter to a clinic
She tells the doctor that her daughter has been having terrible nausea in the morning, lost her appetite, and even missed a period.
The doctor examines her, orders a bloodwork, and tells them to come back late
A mother takes her daughter to a clinic
She tells the doctor that her daughter has been having terrible nausea in the morning, lost her appetite, and even missed a period.
The doctor examines her, orders a bloodwork, and tells them to come back late
18.
A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plantA store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area.However, little did B
A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plantA store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area.However, little did B
19.
All three sit down at the barThe bartender looks at the man and says, “What'll ya have?”The man says, “Gimme a beer.” The ostrich says, “I'll have one too.” The cat says, “I want two beers, but I'm only gonna pay half price.”The bartender serves up four b
All three sit down at the barThe bartender looks at the man and says, “What'll ya have?”The man says, “Gimme a beer.” The ostrich says, “I'll have one too.” The cat says, “I want two beers, but I'm only gonna pay half price.”The bartender serves up four b
20.
Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary.During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success.“Abe,” she says, with tears in her eye
Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary.During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success.“Abe,” she says, with tears in her eye
21.
Two old farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbours but didn’t like each other much.
In 1999, there was a period of -30 degrees centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it.
So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the windo
Two old farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbours but didn’t like each other much.
In 1999, there was a period of -30 degrees centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it.
So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the windo
22.
The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in RomeThe Rabbi notices an unusually fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers.“What is that phone for?” he asks the pontiff.“It's my direct line to the Lord!”The Rabbi is skeptical
The Chief Rabbi of Israel and the Pope are in a meeting in RomeThe Rabbi notices an unusually fancy phone on a side table in the Pope's private chambers.“What is that phone for?” he asks the pontiff.“It's my direct line to the Lord!”The Rabbi is skeptical
23.
… noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor.The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget.They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream
… noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor.The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget.They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream
24.
Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them.“I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to long life,” the reporter asked.The three old men agreed and the reporter asked the first old man hi
Three old men were sitting on a bench when a reporter approached them.“I wonder if you three would be willing to do an interview and tell me your secret to long life,” the reporter asked.The three old men agreed and the reporter asked the first old man hi
25.
I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said, “You just had breakfast?”“Yes.” she replied.“Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummyOur body takes all the good stuff it needs from out of the food then what's l
I decided it was best to explain it at a level she would understand so I said, “You just had breakfast?”“Yes.” she replied.“Well, the food goes in your mouth down into your tummyOur body takes all the good stuff it needs from out of the food then what's l
26.
He was hooked on trees his whole life.2Why was Santa's little helper depressed?Because he had very low elf esteem.3What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?Hits a gnome and runs.4What do you call a broke Santa Claus?Saint-nickel-less.5. What do you cal
He was hooked on trees his whole life.2Why was Santa's little helper depressed?Because he had very low elf esteem.3What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?Hits a gnome and runs.4What do you call a broke Santa Claus?Saint-nickel-less.5. What do you cal
27.
At the end of humanity, there were three gentlemen left on the face of the Earth.
The Creator (or whatever divine entity you’d like to place here) descends from the heavens to congratulate the last three survivors.
“You’ve made it to the end my frie
At the end of humanity, there were three gentlemen left on the face of the Earth.
The Creator (or whatever divine entity you’d like to place here) descends from the heavens to congratulate the last three survivors.
“You’ve made it to the end my frie
28.
1Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?2There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he we
1Johnny's mother had three children. The first child was named April. The second child was named May. What was the third child's name?2There is a clerk at the butcher shop, he is five feet ten inches tall and he wears size 13 sneakers. What does he we
29.
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery,
and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervo
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery,
and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak to his son.
“Yes Dad, what is it?”
“Don’t be nervo
30.
A young blonde was on vacation in the swamps of LouisianaShe really wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes to bring back for her boyfriend but didn't want to pay the high prices the local stores were charging.After becoming very frustrated with the loca
A young blonde was on vacation in the swamps of LouisianaShe really wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes to bring back for her boyfriend but didn't want to pay the high prices the local stores were charging.After becoming very frustrated with the loca
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Eng Jokes