1.
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you c
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passengers had been killed.As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.The officer looked down at the monkey and said “I wish you c
2.
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle,
bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself,
“What if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break”.
So, I drank all the S
I went to the liquor store Friday afternoon on my bicycle,
bought a bottle of Scotch and put it in the bicycle basket.
As I was about to leave, I thought to myself,
“What if I fell off my bicycle, the bottle would break”.
So, I drank all the S
3.
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.“Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagn
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.“Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagn
4.
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:My son
Doug Smith is on his deathbed and knows the end is near.His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.He asks for 2 witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready he begins to speak:My son
5.
Eliza says to the other two, “You know girls, my husband bought me the most wonderful jewelry for our anniversaryA lavish diamond necklace and some beautiful earrings.”“How wonderful!” Josephine says.Isabelle responds, “That's nice, real nice.”Josephine t
Eliza says to the other two, “You know girls, my husband bought me the most wonderful jewelry for our anniversaryA lavish diamond necklace and some beautiful earrings.”“How wonderful!” Josephine says.Isabelle responds, “That's nice, real nice.”Josephine t
6.
A young couple with a box of c*ndoms proceeded to do the wild thing.
When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six c*ndoms remaining in the box of 12,
so she asked him,
“What happened to the other five condoms?”
His nervous
A young couple with a box of c*ndoms proceeded to do the wild thing.
When they were finished, she discovered that there were only six c*ndoms remaining in the box of 12,
so she asked him,
“What happened to the other five condoms?”
His nervous
7.
A guy goes on to a ship to sail (and work) but he notices no women on board.
so he runs to the captian Guy: capt. capt.! theres no women on borad what will be do for pleasure???
capt.:Ohh… dont worry me laddie just stick ur d*ck in that barrel and e
A guy goes on to a ship to sail (and work) but he notices no women on board.
so he runs to the captian Guy: capt. capt.! theres no women on borad what will be do for pleasure???
capt.:Ohh… dont worry me laddie just stick ur d*ck in that barrel and e
8.
60th High School Reunion, He was a widower and she a widow.They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the w
60th High School Reunion, He was a widower and she a widow.They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the w
9.
A guy was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance.Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on i
A guy was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance.Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on i
10.
A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plantA store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area.However, little did B
A store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plantA store manager Bob stopped by a small manufacturing plant he spotted during his last trip through a part of the countryside in the hopes of gaining another client in the area.However, little did B
11.
A hillbilly’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, ‘Here, you hold this high so I can see what I
A hillbilly’s wife went into labor in the middle of the night and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, ‘Here, you hold this high so I can see what I
12.
Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village just outside of some place you’ve never heard of, there was quite a stir amongst the villagers. The villagers, you see, wanted to schedule a race so that they could support their compulsive gambling habits,
Once, a long, long time ago, in a small village just outside of some place you’ve never heard of, there was quite a stir amongst the villagers. The villagers, you see, wanted to schedule a race so that they could support their compulsive gambling habits,
13.
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.“What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?”“Throw out an anchor, Sir.”“What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”“Throw out another anchor, Sir.”“And
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.“What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?”“Throw out an anchor, Sir.”“What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”“Throw out another anchor, Sir.”“And
14.
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:Officer: “License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!”Me: “I assure you, I did not drink anything.”Officer: “Okay, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a high
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:Officer: “License and registration, please, I think you are drunk!”Me: “I assure you, I did not drink anything.”Officer: “Okay, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a high
15.
Seated in the Yankee Stadium bleachers, he watched as a man swung a stick, hit a ball and started toward a white bag down the line.Everyone stood up and yelled, “Run, run!”Then a second guy came up to the plate, whacked the ball and started down toward th
Seated in the Yankee Stadium bleachers, he watched as a man swung a stick, hit a ball and started toward a white bag down the line.Everyone stood up and yelled, “Run, run!”Then a second guy came up to the plate, whacked the ball and started down toward th
16.
A man passed a shop, where he saw a sign, “Magic Vulture for Sale”.
Curious, the man walked into the shop and asked about the bird.
The salesman replied, “This vulture has special powers.
Whenever you go shopping, bring it along, and the cashier
A man passed a shop, where he saw a sign, “Magic Vulture for Sale”.
Curious, the man walked into the shop and asked about the bird.
The salesman replied, “This vulture has special powers.
Whenever you go shopping, bring it along, and the cashier
17.
Two factory workers are talking.The woman said, “I know how to get some time off from work!”“How?” asked the man.“Watch this,” said the woman.She climbed up to the rafter and hanged upside down.The boss walked in, saw her and said, “What on earth are you
Two factory workers are talking.The woman said, “I know how to get some time off from work!”“How?” asked the man.“Watch this,” said the woman.She climbed up to the rafter and hanged upside down.The boss walked in, saw her and said, “What on earth are you
18.
… These generals definitely were impressed by what they saw!An American, English and Russian general were having coffee together at the front in World War 2, arguing over who has the bravest soldiers.The British general called one of his men over.“Private
… These generals definitely were impressed by what they saw!An American, English and Russian general were having coffee together at the front in World War 2, arguing over who has the bravest soldiers.The British general called one of his men over.“Private
19.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
20.
Suddenly a big burly man walks in and slaps Ray so hard that he falls off the stool.“That was a karate chop from Korea,” says the big man proudly.Ray sighs, gets up and brushes the dust off his clothes, sits down on the stool and continues to drink his be
Suddenly a big burly man walks in and slaps Ray so hard that he falls off the stool.“That was a karate chop from Korea,” says the big man proudly.Ray sighs, gets up and brushes the dust off his clothes, sits down on the stool and continues to drink his be
21.
A couple of women were playing golf one afternoon.
One of the two teed off and watched as her ball headed directly toward a group of guys playing the next hole.
The ball struck one of the men, and he immediately fell to the ground and proceeded to r
A couple of women were playing golf one afternoon.
One of the two teed off and watched as her ball headed directly toward a group of guys playing the next hole.
The ball struck one of the men, and he immediately fell to the ground and proceeded to r
22.
I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and
killed devil itself…
my wife rushes through the room and shouts…
“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK
I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and
killed devil itself…
my wife rushes through the room and shouts…
“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK
23.
She started thinking about her grandparents… but what about her grandparents' parents? And their parents?Thoughtfully, she asked her mother, “Mom, where do people come from? I mean, does everyone have parents?”Her mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve a
She started thinking about her grandparents… but what about her grandparents' parents? And their parents?Thoughtfully, she asked her mother, “Mom, where do people come from? I mean, does everyone have parents?”Her mother answered, “God made Adam and Eve a
24.
… and said to him, “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.”The art collector replied, “I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first.”The attorney said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000
… and said to him, “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.”The art collector replied, “I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first.”The attorney said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000
25.
The villagers were delighted.A sadhu who performed miracles, had come to their village.Every morning and evening they would gather at the temple with specially prepared delicacies as offerings to the sadhu.When Tenali Rama heard of this, he smelt a rat.He
The villagers were delighted.A sadhu who performed miracles, had come to their village.Every morning and evening they would gather at the temple with specially prepared delicacies as offerings to the sadhu.When Tenali Rama heard of this, he smelt a rat.He
26.
Doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up,helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed
Doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.The lawyer, seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up,helped him from the car and offered him a drink from his hip flask.The doctor accepted and handed the flask back to the lawyer, who closed
27.
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”“Yes, Father, it is.”“And who was the girl you were with?”“I can't tell you, FatherI don't want to ruin her reputation.”“Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell m
The priest asks, “Is that you, little Joey Pagano?”“Yes, Father, it is.”“And who was the girl you were with?”“I can't tell you, FatherI don't want to ruin her reputation.”“Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell m
28.
I thought love was only true in fairy tales, meant for someone else but not for meBut anyway, I joined an online dating site and met a girl.I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup.But that's okay, because she'd jus
I thought love was only true in fairy tales, meant for someone else but not for meBut anyway, I joined an online dating site and met a girl.I hadn't put my own picture up on my dating profile, just a picture of my pickup.But that's okay, because she'd jus
29.
Two West Virginia rednecks were out hunting, and as they were walking along, they came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approached it and were amazed at its size.The first hunter said, “Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder ho
Two West Virginia rednecks were out hunting, and as they were walking along, they came upon a huge hole in the ground. They approached it and were amazed at its size.The first hunter said, “Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder ho
30.
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said,“Well, son, it was 1932, the depth of the Great Depression.I was down to my last nickel.I invested that nickel in an apple.I spent the entire day p
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Eng Jokes