1.
A man and a woman who had never met before but were both married to other people found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train…
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very t
A man and a woman who had never met before but were both married to other people found themselves assigned to the same sleeping compartment on a trans-continental train…
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very t
2.
The other night I was invited out for a night with the ‘girls.’
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!’ Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
J
The other night I was invited out for a night with the ‘girls.’
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, ‘I promise!’ Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.
J
3.
Two senior gentlemen are working at a sewage treatment plant.
One guy goes off to lunch and comes back to find his buddy standing above a vat of sewage with a long rake.
“What are you doing?!” he yells
“My coat fell in!” his buddy yells back
“
Two senior gentlemen are working at a sewage treatment plant.
One guy goes off to lunch and comes back to find his buddy standing above a vat of sewage with a long rake.
“What are you doing?!” he yells
“My coat fell in!” his buddy yells back
“
4.
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?” “No,” he replied, “I've never done either.” “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.“No, I've
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred The doctor asked the man, “Do you smoke or drink?” “No,” he replied, “I've never done either.” “Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women? ” inquired the doctor.“No, I've
5.
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.“So, what is it?” grumbled the governor.“Judge Garber has just died” said the att
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.“So, what is it?” grumbled the governor.“Judge Garber has just died” said the att
6.
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-RoyceThe driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that's a nice carYou got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!”The driver of Rolls
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-RoyceThe driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that's a nice carYou got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!”The driver of Rolls
7.
A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup.However, the customer notices that something is wrong.So he calls the waiter over.“Can you please taste the soup?”“What's wrong with the soup?”“Just taste it.”“Why?”“Just taste it.”“Sir, I–““Just taste it.”
A customer in a restuarant orders a bowl of soup.However, the customer notices that something is wrong.So he calls the waiter over.“Can you please taste the soup?”“What's wrong with the soup?”“Just taste it.”“Why?”“Just taste it.”“Sir, I–““Just taste it.”
8.
The young wife went into labor while her husband was overseas serving in the war.The next day he got the news that his wife had delivered twins.He got to a phone and called her right away.“Oh honey, I'm so happy,” he said“Who took you to the hospital?”“Yo
The young wife went into labor while her husband was overseas serving in the war.The next day he got the news that his wife had delivered twins.He got to a phone and called her right away.“Oh honey, I'm so happy,” he said“Who took you to the hospital?”“Yo
9.
A pastor, who shall we say was “humor impaired,” attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the enti
A pastor, who shall we say was “humor impaired,” attended a conference to help encourage and better equip pastors for their ministry.Among the speakers were many well known and dynamic speakers.One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the enti
10.
A man left for work one Friday afternoon.But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angr
A man left for work one Friday afternoon.But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angr
11.
A young blonde was on vacation in the swamps of LouisianaShe really wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes to bring back for her boyfriend but didn't want to pay the high prices the local stores were charging.After becoming very frustrated with the loca
A young blonde was on vacation in the swamps of LouisianaShe really wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes to bring back for her boyfriend but didn't want to pay the high prices the local stores were charging.After becoming very frustrated with the loca
12.
The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.”He didn't see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and tidy.The second brother married a
The first one married a woman from Minneapolis, and said to her:“When I get back from work, I want the house to be clean and tidy.”He didn't see any changes on the first day, but on the second day the house was clean and tidy.The second brother married a
13.
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”The bartender considers it, then agreesThe man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.He reaches into his other pocket and pulls ou
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?”The bartender considers it, then agreesThe man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat.He reaches into his other pocket and pulls ou
14.
The first guy goes in and kicks as., best job interview he's ever done in his lifeEnd of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”“Yeah,” says the guy… “You don't have any EARS, man!”“I'm sorry
The first guy goes in and kicks as., best job interview he's ever done in his lifeEnd of the interview comes around, the interviewer says:“By the way, do you notice anything strange about me?”“Yeah,” says the guy… “You don't have any EARS, man!”“I'm sorry
15.
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees enough and they would send an inspector to interview themOn the appointed day, the inspector turned
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees enough and they would send an inspector to interview themOn the appointed day, the inspector turned
16.
Reporter: “Excuse me, may I interview you?”
Man: “Yes!” Reporter: “Name?” Man: “Abdul Al-Rhazim.”
Reporter: “S*x?”
Man: “Three to five times a week.”
Reporter: “No no! I mean male or female?”
Man: “Yes, male, female… sometimes camel.”
Re
Reporter: “Excuse me, may I interview you?”
Man: “Yes!” Reporter: “Name?” Man: “Abdul Al-Rhazim.”
Reporter: “S*x?”
Man: “Three to five times a week.”
Reporter: “No no! I mean male or female?”
Man: “Yes, male, female… sometimes camel.”
Re
17.
The new preacher moves his things into his new office and comes across the former pastor, taking his items out. The former pastor says, “I left three envelopes in your desk. If you have any trouble, open them.” Well, of course the new preacher thinks he
The new preacher moves his things into his new office and comes across the former pastor, taking his items out. The former pastor says, “I left three envelopes in your desk. If you have any trouble, open them.” Well, of course the new preacher thinks he
18.
Reaching the end of a job interview the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology,“And what starting salary are you looking for?”The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending
Reaching the end of a job interview the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology,“And what starting salary are you looking for?”The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending
19.
Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar.
One is crying.
The other asks what’s wrong. “I’ve puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me.”
The other drunk says “do what I do pal.
Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked
Two notorious drunks are sitting at the bar.
One is crying.
The other asks what’s wrong. “I’ve puked all over myself again and my wife is gonna kill me.”
The other drunk says “do what I do pal.
Explain to your wife that some other drunk puked
20.
John was sitting outside his local pub one day…
… enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking
John was sitting outside his local pub one day…
… enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking
21.
Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary.During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success.“Abe,” she says, with tears in her eye
Sarah and Abe are out celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary.During the evening, Sarah broaches the subject of (their) life insurance, an issue she has been raising with him for at least 10 years, without success.“Abe,” she says, with tears in her eye
22.
Most people know me, but don't know my story.At the age of 3, I watched my father leave.I attended four different high schools and struggled with dyslexia, making my education more challenging than it is for most.Eventually I left high school without earn
Most people know me, but don't know my story.At the age of 3, I watched my father leave.I attended four different high schools and struggled with dyslexia, making my education more challenging than it is for most.Eventually I left high school without earn
23.
Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice w
Their conversation is constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asks the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice w
24.
Three English men were walking through a desert.
They were tired and thirsty but most of all hungry.
Soon, they came across a nomad with about two camels, one alive and one very much dead.
The nomad said “Hey there, you guys look hungry” The thre
Three English men were walking through a desert.
They were tired and thirsty but most of all hungry.
Soon, they came across a nomad with about two camels, one alive and one very much dead.
The nomad said “Hey there, you guys look hungry” The thre
25.
The Little Johnny, his uncle, and a cat on a farm.So, a father comes home to Little Johnny one day and says that they'll have to move for a while.He's going out on a business trip and his mother is in hospital for a car accident, so Little Johnny has to s
The Little Johnny, his uncle, and a cat on a farm.So, a father comes home to Little Johnny one day and says that they'll have to move for a while.He's going out on a business trip and his mother is in hospital for a car accident, so Little Johnny has to s
26.
On his first day on the job, the trainee dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone:“Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!”The voice from the other side responded:“You fool, you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?”“No,” replied
On his first day on the job, the trainee dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone:“Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!”The voice from the other side responded:“You fool, you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you're talking to?”“No,” replied
27.
Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving.
They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power.
But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.
Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves.
Their hearts
Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving.
They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power.
But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point.
Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves.
Their hearts
28.
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was 23.
The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious y
A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was 23.
The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious y
29.
A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears.
“Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way.
However, g
A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears.
“Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way.
However, g
30.
GIRL: I have done a great sinI called my boyfriend a BAST.RDPSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?GIRL: Well, he kissed me.PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?GIRL: .Yes!PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no
GIRL: I have done a great sinI called my boyfriend a BAST.RDPSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that's not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?GIRL: Well, he kissed me.PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?GIRL: .Yes!PSYCHIATRIST: Well that's no
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Eng Jokes