1.
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY.
The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game?
The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
2.
Nasrudin is walking past a cave when he sees a yogi, deep in meditation, and he asks the yogi what he is searching forThe yogi says:‘I study the animals and have learned many lessons from them that can transform a man's life.'‘A fish once saved my life,'
Nasrudin is walking past a cave when he sees a yogi, deep in meditation, and he asks the yogi what he is searching forThe yogi says:‘I study the animals and have learned many lessons from them that can transform a man's life.'‘A fish once saved my life,'
3.
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselingWhen asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptines
After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife came for counselingWhen asked what the problem was, the wife went into a tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptines
4.
… something that this captain knows all too well.A ship was travelling in a dangerous part of the sea. The captain saw a pirate ship approaching their vessel.The captain yells to his crew, “Men, bring me my red shirt!”The crew brings him his red shirt, h
… something that this captain knows all too well.A ship was travelling in a dangerous part of the sea. The captain saw a pirate ship approaching their vessel.The captain yells to his crew, “Men, bring me my red shirt!”The crew brings him his red shirt, h
5.
Two friends are walking their dogs, a Dalmatian and a Chihuahua, when they smell something delicious coming from a nearby restaurant.
The guy with the Dalmatian says, “Let’s get something to eat.”
But the guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in
Two friends are walking their dogs, a Dalmatian and a Chihuahua, when they smell something delicious coming from a nearby restaurant.
The guy with the Dalmatian says, “Let’s get something to eat.”
But the guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in
6.
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:‘The tender one'‘The amazing one'‘Lady of my dreams,She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.Then she called the second number to which his sister replied.When she
The wife checked her husband's phone and found these names:‘The tender one'‘The amazing one'‘Lady of my dreams,She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother.Then she called the second number to which his sister replied.When she
7.
Year after year Bubba’s wife pleaded with him to take her fishing but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it.
She, finally, wore him down, he consented, and early one morning they took off to the lake.
They had not been there very long when the
Year after year Bubba’s wife pleaded with him to take her fishing but he kept telling her she would not enjoy it.
She, finally, wore him down, he consented, and early one morning they took off to the lake.
They had not been there very long when the
8.
“I can't speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.“There's a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing,” explains the doctor
“I can't speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age” he says to the doc.“There's a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing,” explains the doctor
9.
… These generals definitely were impressed by what they saw!An American, English and Russian general were having coffee together at the front in World War 2, arguing over who has the bravest soldiers.The British general called one of his men over.“Private
… These generals definitely were impressed by what they saw!An American, English and Russian general were having coffee together at the front in World War 2, arguing over who has the bravest soldiers.The British general called one of his men over.“Private
10.
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve.She could not print yellow.All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the on
I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't solve.She could not print yellow.All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the on
11.
A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife cant hear him.How bad is it? the doctor asks.I have no idea, the husband says.Well, please test herStand 20 feet away from her and say something.If she doesn't hear you, get closer and say the same thin
A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife cant hear him.How bad is it? the doctor asks.I have no idea, the husband says.Well, please test herStand 20 feet away from her and say something.If she doesn't hear you, get closer and say the same thin
12.
The pilot complains about the airmans attitude, but his comeback is pricelessDuring the pilot's pre-flight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight.So a message is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty
The pilot complains about the airmans attitude, but his comeback is pricelessDuring the pilot's pre-flight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight.So a message is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty
13.
I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and
killed devil itself…
my wife rushes through the room and shouts…
“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK
I stabbed a vampire, beat zombies to death and
killed devil itself…
my wife rushes through the room and shouts…
“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO GIVE THEM CANDIES, FRANK
14.
An old Italian man goes to church for confession, he starts “Father forgive me for I have sinned. During the war I hid a young Jewish girl in my cellar”.“That was a wonderful thing you did and needs no forgiveness”, Said the priest.“That's not all, we st
An old Italian man goes to church for confession, he starts “Father forgive me for I have sinned. During the war I hid a young Jewish girl in my cellar”.“That was a wonderful thing you did and needs no forgiveness”, Said the priest.“That's not all, we st
15.
“I don't know why, but I'm afraid that this room might be bugged with listening devices.” the girlfriend tells her boyfriend.“That's crazy, there's nothing to be worried about.” the man replies.The girl insists, so he starts to search the roomHe looks in
“I don't know why, but I'm afraid that this room might be bugged with listening devices.” the girlfriend tells her boyfriend.“That's crazy, there's nothing to be worried about.” the man replies.The girl insists, so he starts to search the roomHe looks in
16.
Paddy's friend is hit by a car so he phones for an ambulance.Paddy: ‘Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broke.'Operator: ‘What's your location sir?'Paddy: ‘Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street …'O
Paddy's friend is hit by a car so he phones for an ambulance.Paddy: ‘Get an ambulance here quick, he's bleeding from his nose and ears and I tink both his legs are broke.'Operator: ‘What's your location sir?'Paddy: ‘Outside number 28 Eucalyptus Street …'O
17.
The Wine Taster At An Old Vineyard Died. A Homeless Guy, Looking Ragged And Dirty, Came To Apply.
He Persuaded The Manager To Give Him A Try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit.
“It’s a red wine, Merlot, three
The Wine Taster At An Old Vineyard Died. A Homeless Guy, Looking Ragged And Dirty, Came To Apply.
He Persuaded The Manager To Give Him A Try.
The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit.
“It’s a red wine, Merlot, three
18.
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but it had always been occupied.
A nurse noticed his predicament. “Sir,” she said “You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons o
In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men’s restroom, but it had always been occupied.
A nurse noticed his predicament. “Sir,” she said “You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons o
19.
A man calls home to his wife and says,
“Honey, I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends.
We’ll be gone for a week.
This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting so could you
A man calls home to his wife and says,
“Honey, I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss and several of his friends.
We’ll be gone for a week.
This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting so could you
20.
A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.She wanted to make sure that the c
A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.She wanted to make sure that the c
21.
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.“So, what is it?” grumbled the governor.“Judge Garber has just died” said the att
An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor.“So, what is it?” grumbled the governor.“Judge Garber has just died” said the att
22.
Two blonde gals went together to play the slot machines at the casino.
Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for the other.
Trixie quickly lost all her money and went
Two blonde gals went together to play the slot machines at the casino.
Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for the other.
Trixie quickly lost all her money and went
23.
— Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees…poo poos, quickly pleas
— Best taken in the autumn or mid winter.Buy a lead and tie it to a big stone, walk around dragging the stone behind you.Get up at 5am, go out in the pouring rain and walk up and down a muddy path, repeating good girl/boy, wee wees…poo poos, quickly pleas
24.
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.“What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?”“Throw out an anchor, Sir.”“What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”“Throw out another anchor, Sir.”“And
A young naval student was being put through the paces by an old sea captain.“What would you do if a sudden storm sprang up on the starboard?”“Throw out an anchor, Sir.”“What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?”“Throw out another anchor, Sir.”“And
25.
While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.To his amazement, a genie came forth.This particular genie, however, stated that he could only de
While rummaging through the boat's provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.To his amazement, a genie came forth.This particular genie, however, stated that he could only de
26.
A young man buys a chicken farm out in the country.He doesn't know much about chickens, So he decides to go consult with some of the locals.He finds an old farmer and asks if he might be able to give him some pointers.The old farmer tells him “sure, meet
A young man buys a chicken farm out in the country.He doesn't know much about chickens, So he decides to go consult with some of the locals.He finds an old farmer and asks if he might be able to give him some pointers.The old farmer tells him “sure, meet
27.
.and her brother named themA couple of weeks later she finally wakes up and asks the doctor, “Where is my baby?!”The doctor replies, “They are both fine, you have a beautiful boy and girl.Your husband went back to work and you were out so long that your b
.and her brother named themA couple of weeks later she finally wakes up and asks the doctor, “Where is my baby?!”The doctor replies, “They are both fine, you have a beautiful boy and girl.Your husband went back to work and you were out so long that your b
28.
John was sitting outside his local pub one day…
… enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking
John was sitting outside his local pub one day…
… enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
“You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking
29.
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet.The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.Anyone who could squeeze one more drop
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000 bet.The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron.Anyone who could squeeze one more drop
30.
The Queen and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they’ll be admitted to heaven.
Unfortunately, there’s only one space left that day, so St. Peter asks Dolly if there’s some particular reason why she shoul
The Queen and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and they both go before St. Peter to find out if they’ll be admitted to heaven.
Unfortunately, there’s only one space left that day, so St. Peter asks Dolly if there’s some particular reason why she shoul
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Eng Jokes