1.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit on the bus.After hearing about the predicament, the blind man lets the children get on instead of him.The wife asks
A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit on the bus.After hearing about the predicament, the blind man lets the children get on instead of him.The wife asks
2.
A woman finds Aladdin's magic lamp.She starts rubbing it and a Genie comes out as usual.The woman looks at the Genie and asks him to grant her wishes:She says“I want my husband to have eyes only for me.I want to be the only one in his life.I want him to s
A woman finds Aladdin's magic lamp.She starts rubbing it and a Genie comes out as usual.The woman looks at the Genie and asks him to grant her wishes:She says“I want my husband to have eyes only for me.I want to be the only one in his life.I want him to s
3.
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.“Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagn
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt.His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.“Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagn
4.
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company.One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, discovers that he's lost.Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company.One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, discovers that he's lost.Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly
5.
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood
A farmer drove to a neighbor's farmhouse and knocked at the door.A boy, about 9, opened the door“Is your dad or mum home?” said the farmer.“No, they went to town.”“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”“No, he went with Mum and Dad.”The farmer stood
6.
A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while StPeter is leafing through the big book to see if the guy is worthy of entering.Saint Peter goes through the book several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, “You know, I can't see that
A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while StPeter is leafing through the big book to see if the guy is worthy of entering.Saint Peter goes through the book several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, “You know, I can't see that
7.
The old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two
The old man placed an order for one hamburger , French fries and a drink.
He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half , placing one half in front of his wife.
He then carefully counted out the French fries , dividing them into two
8.
A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs.
The waiter, suspecting that they’ve run out, goes back to question the chef.
“Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?”
Gus replies,
“I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs le
A drunk staggers into a diner and orders a couple of eggs.
The waiter, suspecting that they’ve run out, goes back to question the chef.
“Hey, Gus, do we have any more eggs?”
Gus replies,
“I ran out of fresh eggs, I only have two rotten eggs le
9.
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, “Robert doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.”
“Now, now,” her mother comforted, “I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.”
“No, mother,” you don’t understand.
“I bought a froz
A new young blonde bride calls her mother in tears.
She sobs, “Robert doesn’t appreciate what I do for him.”
“Now, now,” her mother comforted, “I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding.”
“No, mother,” you don’t understand.
“I bought a froz
10.
A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.However he was delayed, so the Priest
A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.However he was delayed, so the Priest
11.
After swearing loyalty to the Captain and crew, and receiving his daily list of duties, the new recruit is brought up onto the poop deck to briefly meet the Captain.The Captain, a rugged-looking pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch,
After swearing loyalty to the Captain and crew, and receiving his daily list of duties, the new recruit is brought up onto the poop deck to briefly meet the Captain.The Captain, a rugged-looking pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch,
12.
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his.The neighbour happened to be a lawyer.Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said:Hey,
A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his.The neighbour happened to be a lawyer.Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said:Hey,
13.
A little old lady checked into a motel on her 70th birthday, but she was a bit lonely.
She thought, “I’ll call one of those men you see advertised in the phone books for escorts and sensual massages.”
She looked through the phone book, found a full-
A little old lady checked into a motel on her 70th birthday, but she was a bit lonely.
She thought, “I’ll call one of those men you see advertised in the phone books for escorts and sensual massages.”
She looked through the phone book, found a full-
14.
… the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wifeTearfully she explained, “It's the druggist – he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.”Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology.Before he could say m
… the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wifeTearfully she explained, “It's the druggist – he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.”Immediately the husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology.Before he could say m
15.
One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical compan
One dark night in Dublin a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical compan
16.
When the manager of a men's clothing store returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.“Guess what, sir?” the clerk said“I finally sold that terrible,
When the manager of a men's clothing store returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.“Guess what, sir?” the clerk said“I finally sold that terrible,
17.
Three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the Gates of Heaven.
Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter himself.
“When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hea
Three friends die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the Gates of Heaven.
Before entering, they are each asked a question by St. Peter himself.
“When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hea
18.
There was this world famous painterIn the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight.Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her ey
There was this world famous painterIn the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight.Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her ey
19.
A group of male friends, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again d
A group of male friends, all turning 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch.Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons because the waitresses had big breasts and wore mini-skirts.Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again d
20.
One day a horse trader, a foreigner, came to the court of Krishnadeva Raya and told him he had some fine horses for sale.The emperor offered to buy them.The man took an advance of 5000 gold coins and promising to return with the horses in two days, went a
One day a horse trader, a foreigner, came to the court of Krishnadeva Raya and told him he had some fine horses for sale.The emperor offered to buy them.The man took an advance of 5000 gold coins and promising to return with the horses in two days, went a
21.
Scottish couple wants their kids to visit on Christmas EveHowever, there are some methods that make things easier…A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your m
Scottish couple wants their kids to visit on Christmas EveHowever, there are some methods that make things easier…A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your m
22.
Three men, an Scot, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The Scot jumped off and shouted “God save Scotland!”
The English man jumped off and shouted “God Save England!”
The Sumo
Three men, an Scot, and an English man and a sumo wrestler were going to commit suicide by jumping of the top of a building.
The Scot jumped off and shouted “God save Scotland!”
The English man jumped off and shouted “God Save England!”
The Sumo
23.
Some ecclesiastical gentlemen — a cardinal, a couple of bishops and some others — were waiting outside the Pearly Gates for St. Peter to open up.
He finally arrived, but just they were about to enter heaven St. Peter asked them to wait a moment and let
Some ecclesiastical gentlemen — a cardinal, a couple of bishops and some others — were waiting outside the Pearly Gates for St. Peter to open up.
He finally arrived, but just they were about to enter heaven St. Peter asked them to wait a moment and let
24.
One is a member of the Gestapo. One is an Imperial Japanese officer. And one is a Fascist Italian Commander.They are all sitting in their holding cell discussing what they are going to do when they get interrogated.The German says, “My superior German s
One is a member of the Gestapo. One is an Imperial Japanese officer. And one is a Fascist Italian Commander.They are all sitting in their holding cell discussing what they are going to do when they get interrogated.The German says, “My superior German s
25.
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.“You've got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded“Or just a bed, I don't care where.”“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he mi
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.“You've got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded“Or just a bed, I don't care where.”“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he mi
26.
Grandpa and his 7-year-old grandson are gardening when to boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, “Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.”
“I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t,” says Gramps.
“It’s too wiggl
Grandpa and his 7-year-old grandson are gardening when to boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.
He says, “Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.”
“I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t,” says Gramps.
“It’s too wiggl
27.
Two men were traveling in company along the road when one of them picked up a well-filled purse.“How lucky I am!” he said“I have found a purseJudging by its weight it must be full of gold.”“Do not say ‘I have found a purse,'” said his companion“Say rather
Two men were traveling in company along the road when one of them picked up a well-filled purse.“How lucky I am!” he said“I have found a purseJudging by its weight it must be full of gold.”“Do not say ‘I have found a purse,'” said his companion“Say rather
28.
* Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooksThe other half will come out with a drinking problem.* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of FortuneNow I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.* I need to practice social-
* Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooksThe other half will come out with a drinking problem.* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of FortuneNow I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.* I need to practice social-
29.
RECIPE FOR TURKEY DRESSING
4 EGGS, BEATEN
7 CUPS POPCORN, UNPOPPED
2 CUPS BREAD CRUMBS
2 CUPS RICE
1 CUP CELERY
1 PACKAGE LIPTON ONION SOUP MIX
MIX ALL INGREDIENTS AND STUFF BIRD.
ROAST FOR 3 HOURS IN 350 DEGREE OVEN.
AT THE END
RECIPE FOR TURKEY DRESSING
4 EGGS, BEATEN
7 CUPS POPCORN, UNPOPPED
2 CUPS BREAD CRUMBS
2 CUPS RICE
1 CUP CELERY
1 PACKAGE LIPTON ONION SOUP MIX
MIX ALL INGREDIENTS AND STUFF BIRD.
ROAST FOR 3 HOURS IN 350 DEGREE OVEN.
AT THE END
30.
A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire.
The fire was more than the county fire department could handle.
Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called.
Despite some doub
A fire started on some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire.
The fire was more than the county fire department could handle.
Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called.
Despite some doub
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