1.
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His fat
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?”
His fat
2.
… he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 poundsThe man buys a round of drinks as his wife just gave birth to typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 poundsCongratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamation
… he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 poundsThe man buys a round of drinks as his wife just gave birth to typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 poundsCongratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamation
3.
We were fooling around, the passion started to heat up, when she suddenly says: “I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”I said, “WHAT? Then what was all that about?!?”Then she uttered the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear…“Y
We were fooling around, the passion started to heat up, when she suddenly says: “I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”I said, “WHAT? Then what was all that about?!?”Then she uttered the words that every husband on the planet dreads to hear…“Y
4.
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a politician happened to appear.
The politician took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
‘Would you mind te
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a politician happened to appear.
The politician took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
‘Would you mind te
5.
A mobile phone on a bench rings, and a man puts the phone on speaker and begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.Man: “Hello?”Woman: “Honey, its me. Are you at the club?”Man: “Yes.”Woman: “I'm at the mall n
A mobile phone on a bench rings, and a man puts the phone on speaker and begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.Man: “Hello?”Woman: “Honey, its me. Are you at the club?”Man: “Yes.”Woman: “I'm at the mall n
6.
Two men are flying in a captive balloon.The wind is ugly and they come away from their course and they have no idea where they are.So they go down to 15 m above ground and ask a passing wanderer“Could you tell us where we are?”“You are in a balloon.”So th
Two men are flying in a captive balloon.The wind is ugly and they come away from their course and they have no idea where they are.So they go down to 15 m above ground and ask a passing wanderer“Could you tell us where we are?”“You are in a balloon.”So th
7.
… These generals definitely were impressed by what they saw!An American, English and Russian general were having coffee together at the front in World War 2, arguing over who has the bravest soldiers.The British general called one of his men over.“Private
… These generals definitely were impressed by what they saw!An American, English and Russian general were having coffee together at the front in World War 2, arguing over who has the bravest soldiers.The British general called one of his men over.“Private
8.
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't mis
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip.When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and she didn't mis
9.
A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch.
Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
Suddenly the wife st
A man and his wife of more than 50 years were rocking back and forth on the front porch.
Slowly they rocked in rhythm, as this was their time to spend a few quiet moments and after years of practice they rocked to the same pace.
Suddenly the wife st
10.
A Prisoner is digging a tunnel out of prisonHe is slowly making progress day by day, but with just a spoon for a shovel it seems like an impossible task.After numerous years of blood and sweat, he finally manages to reach the surface outside of the prison
A Prisoner is digging a tunnel out of prisonHe is slowly making progress day by day, but with just a spoon for a shovel it seems like an impossible task.After numerous years of blood and sweat, he finally manages to reach the surface outside of the prison
11.
A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation.There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park.“What's that?” says the Texan.“Oh! That's Queens Park,” says the Cabby, “
A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation.There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park.“What's that?” says the Texan.“Oh! That's Queens Park,” says the Cabby, “
12.
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lieHe decides to test it out on his son at supper.Dad says: “Where were you last night?”Son says: “I was at the library.”The robot slaps the son.Son says “OK, I was at a friend's house.”“Doing wha
A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps you when you lieHe decides to test it out on his son at supper.Dad says: “Where were you last night?”Son says: “I was at the library.”The robot slaps the son.Son says “OK, I was at a friend's house.”“Doing wha
13.
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.He had a large pond in the back.It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.One evening the old farme
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.He had a large pond in the back.It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.One evening the old farme
14.
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical.
After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Many years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they wer
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical.
After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Many years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they wer
15.
Husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are not good in bed either,” and storms out of the house.After sometime he realizes he was awful and decides to make amends and rings her up.She co
Husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are not good in bed either,” and storms out of the house.After sometime he realizes he was awful and decides to make amends and rings her up.She co
16.
There once was a girl who wasn’t feeling very pretty so she went to a genie to make her pretty.
The genie told her that to make her feel pretty, he would make it so that every time someone apologized to her her b*obs would increase by one size.
So t
There once was a girl who wasn’t feeling very pretty so she went to a genie to make her pretty.
The genie told her that to make her feel pretty, he would make it so that every time someone apologized to her her b*obs would increase by one size.
So t
17.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfectYour family must be re
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfectYour family must be re
18.
I was looking for my keysThey were not in my pocketsA quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the carFrantically, I headed for the car park.My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in
I was looking for my keysThey were not in my pocketsA quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the carFrantically, I headed for the car park.My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in
19.
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day.”The professor says “I'll be an elementary school teacherWhat can be so hard abo
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day.”The professor says “I'll be an elementary school teacherWhat can be so hard abo
20.
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flow
One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flow
21.
On their first date, a man asked his companion if she'd like a drink with dinner.“Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?” she said.Later, he offered her a cigarette.“Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?” she said again On the drive
On their first date, a man asked his companion if she'd like a drink with dinner.“Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?” she said.Later, he offered her a cigarette.“Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?” she said again On the drive
22.
One night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn the blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames.The alarm went out to all fire departments for miles around.When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the c
One night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plantIn the blink of an eye, it exploded into massive flames.The alarm went out to all fire departments for miles around.When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the c
23.
A redneck with a bucket full of live fish was approached by a Texas game wardenThe game warden asked the man, “May I see your fishing license please?”“Naw, sir,” replied the redneck. “I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish.”“
A redneck with a bucket full of live fish was approached by a Texas game wardenThe game warden asked the man, “May I see your fishing license please?”“Naw, sir,” replied the redneck. “I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish.”“
24.
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.He had a large pond in the back.It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.One evening the old farme
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.He had a large pond in the back.It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.One evening the old farme
25.
A man, reading a book by candle-light, came across a sentence which stated that men with long beards were fools.This distressed the man because he had a long beard himself.He had always thought the beard made him look scholarly and dignified, but now he b
A man, reading a book by candle-light, came across a sentence which stated that men with long beards were fools.This distressed the man because he had a long beard himself.He had always thought the beard made him look scholarly and dignified, but now he b
26.
Three old ladies – Gertrude, Maude and Tilly – were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation.Suddenly, a handsome young man dressed only in a trench coat approached them from across the parkHe was holding his coat together with his hands and di
Three old ladies – Gertrude, Maude and Tilly – were sitting on a park bench having a quiet conversation.Suddenly, a handsome young man dressed only in a trench coat approached them from across the parkHe was holding his coat together with his hands and di
27.
There was this world famous painterIn the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight.Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her ey
There was this world famous painterIn the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight.Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her ey
28.
After swearing loyalty to the Captain and crew, and receiving his daily list of duties, the new recruit is brought up onto the poop deck to briefly meet the Captain.The Captain, a rugged-looking pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch,
After swearing loyalty to the Captain and crew, and receiving his daily list of duties, the new recruit is brought up onto the poop deck to briefly meet the Captain.The Captain, a rugged-looking pirate with a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and an eye-patch,
29.
There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs.
One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer:
“What do you use to feed your pigs?”
“Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?”
“Because I am from the Animals Protection Associ
There was a farmer who had a herd of pigs.
One day someone went to the farm and asked the farmer:
“What do you use to feed your pigs?”
“Well, I give them acorn, corn, and things like that. Why?”
“Because I am from the Animals Protection Associ
30.
A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep.Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.”The shepherd thinks
A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep.Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.”The shepherd thinks
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Eng Jokes