1.
I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu.He says, “No, WTF man!? Are you asking becau
I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu.He says, “No, WTF man!? Are you asking becau
2.
An old man is eating his lunch in a restaurant when three bikers walk up to him.They make fun of him for being old, and then one of them stubs his cigarette into the truck driver's food.Another spits in the truck driver's milk.The last one smashes the tru
An old man is eating his lunch in a restaurant when three bikers walk up to him.They make fun of him for being old, and then one of them stubs his cigarette into the truck driver's food.Another spits in the truck driver's milk.The last one smashes the tru
3.
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp.They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie.He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get o
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were stuck on an island for many, many years until one day they found a magic lamp.They rubbed it hard and out popped a genie.He said that he could only give three wishes so since there were three girls, each would get o
4.
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.Turning to the man next to him he said, “I forgot my teeth!”The man said, “No pro
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.Turning to the man next to him he said, “I forgot my teeth!”The man said, “No pro
5.
Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for.When it was Jerry's turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years.“Wow,” the leader gushed, “that's amazing, perhaps you
Jerry was at a marriage seminar, and the leader of the seminar, a lady, was asking everybody how long they were married for.When it was Jerry's turn Jerry said that he was married for almost 50 years.“Wow,” the leader gushed, “that's amazing, perhaps you
6.
The Little Johnny, his uncle, and a cat on a farm.So, a father comes home to Little Johnny one day and says that they'll have to move for a while.He's going out on a business trip and his mother is in hospital for a car accident, so Little Johnny has to s
The Little Johnny, his uncle, and a cat on a farm.So, a father comes home to Little Johnny one day and says that they'll have to move for a while.He's going out on a business trip and his mother is in hospital for a car accident, so Little Johnny has to s
7.
Four married guys go fishingAfter an hour, the following conversation took place:First guy: “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekendI had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”Seco
Four married guys go fishingAfter an hour, the following conversation took place:First guy: “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekendI had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”Seco
8.
Two blondes decide to go duck hunting.
Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven’t bagged any.
One hunter looks at the other and says “I just don’t understand it.
Why aren’t we getting any duck
Two blondes decide to go duck hunting.
Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven’t bagged any.
One hunter looks at the other and says “I just don’t understand it.
Why aren’t we getting any duck
9.
His friends to him at coffee: “We adore your family life, you've got a great life with your wife and kids.You don't make her say things twiceTell us the secret of this happiness or we'll consider you as a diffident”“Well, i can shortly explainAfter our w
His friends to him at coffee: “We adore your family life, you've got a great life with your wife and kids.You don't make her say things twiceTell us the secret of this happiness or we'll consider you as a diffident”“Well, i can shortly explainAfter our w
10.
After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes.As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice “Hi Sweetheart, its Rajaram I'm on
After a tiring day, a young lady settled down in her local train seat and closed her eyes.As the train rolled out of the station, the guy sitting next to her, pulled out his cell phone and started talking in a loud voice “Hi Sweetheart, its Rajaram I'm on
11.
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.He asks, “What was that for?”She says, “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it.”He says, “Jeez, honey, reme
A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.He asks, “What was that for?”She says, “I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it.”He says, “Jeez, honey, reme
12.
One of the bags was ripped, and every once in awhile, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag you're dragging”.“Oh, really? Darn it!”, said the old lady “I
One of the bags was ripped, and every once in awhile, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, “Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag you're dragging”.“Oh, really? Darn it!”, said the old lady “I
13.
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man picks up with the speakerphone on and begins to talk.Everyone else in the room stops talking:MAN: “Hello?”WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it's meAre you at the club?”MAN: “Yes.”
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man picks up with the speakerphone on and begins to talk.Everyone else in the room stops talking:MAN: “Hello?”WOMAN: “Hi Honey, it's meAre you at the club?”MAN: “Yes.”
14.
Fish goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Hello, sir. What brings you in today?”
The fish replies, “Everything. I hurt my back at work, I have a cold, my eyesight is going, and I have high blood pressure.”
The doctor raises his eyebrows, jots do
Fish goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, “Hello, sir. What brings you in today?”
The fish replies, “Everything. I hurt my back at work, I have a cold, my eyesight is going, and I have high blood pressure.”
The doctor raises his eyebrows, jots do
15.
A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on itIn order the figures were:A Woman. A Donkey. A Shovel. A Fish. A Star of David.After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the lea
A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on itIn order the figures were:A Woman. A Donkey. A Shovel. A Fish. A Star of David.After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the lea
16.
Four married guys go fishingAfter an hour, the following conversation took place:First guy: “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekendI had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”Seco
Four married guys go fishingAfter an hour, the following conversation took place:First guy: “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekendI had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”Seco
17.
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer.“If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.”“It's in the judge's hands now,” said the lawyer.“Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?”“Oh no! This judge is a stickler or
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer.“If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.”“It's in the judge's hands now,” said the lawyer.“Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?”“Oh no! This judge is a stickler or
18.
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.They've got the whole thing a.s-backwards.Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You sh
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.They've got the whole thing a.s-backwards.Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You sh
19.
The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”He replies, “Yes, caffeineI can't drink coffee.”“OK, have you ever been in the military service?”“Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour.”The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra
The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”He replies, “Yes, caffeineI can't drink coffee.”“OK, have you ever been in the military service?”“Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour.”The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra
20.
A man in a bar saw a friend at a table, drinking by himself.Approaching the friend he commented, “You look terribleWhat's the problem?”“My mother died in June,” he said, “and left me $10,000.”“Gee, that's tough,” he replied.“Then in July,” the friend cont
A man in a bar saw a friend at a table, drinking by himself.Approaching the friend he commented, “You look terribleWhat's the problem?”“My mother died in June,” he said, “and left me $10,000.”“Gee, that's tough,” he replied.“Then in July,” the friend cont
21.
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years,
they always left the lights off when having fun.
He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn’t please her, so he always used a big di*do on her.
All these years she had no clu
A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years,
they always left the lights off when having fun.
He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn’t please her, so he always used a big di*do on her.
All these years she had no clu
22.
One is a member of the Gestapo. One is an Imperial Japanese officer. And one is a Fascist Italian Commander.They are all sitting in their holding cell discussing what they are going to do when they get interrogated.The German says, “My superior German s
One is a member of the Gestapo. One is an Imperial Japanese officer. And one is a Fascist Italian Commander.They are all sitting in their holding cell discussing what they are going to do when they get interrogated.The German says, “My superior German s
23.
She ended the letter saying she preferred accommodation as close as possible to a WC.You anglophones will recognize WC as a water closet or toilet. The Swiss innkeeper was not that well acquainted with English, so he took the letter to his friend the par
She ended the letter saying she preferred accommodation as close as possible to a WC.You anglophones will recognize WC as a water closet or toilet. The Swiss innkeeper was not that well acquainted with English, so he took the letter to his friend the par
24.
A lady approaches a priest and shyly tells him, “Father, I have a problem.I have these two talking female parrots but, they only know how to say one thing… they keep saying ‘Hi, we're hot… do you want to bang us?'”“That's terrible!” says the priest.“But,
A lady approaches a priest and shyly tells him, “Father, I have a problem.I have these two talking female parrots but, they only know how to say one thing… they keep saying ‘Hi, we're hot… do you want to bang us?'”“That's terrible!” says the priest.“But,
25.
A priest was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of AlaskaAfter a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing.The priest said that it was a really lonely job and that he didn't think that he could have mad
A priest was sent to a very small church in the backwoods of AlaskaAfter a couple of years the Bishop decided to pay the priest a visit to see how he was doing.The priest said that it was a really lonely job and that he didn't think that he could have mad
26.
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls.
To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the ball with on onion.
Several weeks later the patient returned for a checkup.
“How’s your s*x life?” the doc
While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man’s balls.
To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decided to replace the ball with on onion.
Several weeks later the patient returned for a checkup.
“How’s your s*x life?” the doc
27.
They planned to stay at the same hotel where they had spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife
They planned to stay at the same hotel where they had spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife
28.
When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him.“WelcomeYou are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully.”Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, “Who really shot Kennedy?”God replies, “Lee Harvey Oswald
When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him.“WelcomeYou are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully.”Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, “Who really shot Kennedy?”God replies, “Lee Harvey Oswald
29.
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, “$500 if we fail to fill your order.”When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye.She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchenAlmost immediately
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall that says, “$500 if we fail to fill your order.”When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant tail on rye.She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchenAlmost immediately
30.
An old Man walked into the bank and stood in the queue, when it was his turn he handed his bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw £10.”The teller told him, “For withdrawals less than £100 please use the ATM.”The old man wanted to k
An old Man walked into the bank and stood in the queue, when it was his turn he handed his bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw £10.”The teller told him, “For withdrawals less than £100 please use the ATM.”The old man wanted to k
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